Love Conquers All?
by LeonAlec
Summary: Tidus's PoV. Rated for violence and sex, obviously, because it's romance and angst. Chapter 7 and 13 are rated differently. Finally COMPLETED.
1. Which Shock To Deliver First

**Disclaimer:**

I'm pretty sure you all know what I own and what I don't. I'd so much want to own Lulu, though, so I could walk around and tell everyone she's mine :smirk:

This was my first FF fanfic ever, so feel free to flame and be aware of how vague it is. Review if you please, reasonable critic always very welcome.

**Warnings:**

1) Tidus is not exactly what he was in the game. I won't reveal the secrets now, you'll just have to read on to find out :) But consider yourself warned.

2) The story contains femslash (simply enough, lesbian sex).

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**Chapter I**

I sat down on the machina we had been travelling with before it ran out of gas or whatever it worked with. In the middle of a place I'd call the Ice Lands or something, I sat on a non-functioning machina with the lady of my dreams. Her name was Lulu. 

Oh boy, and she had no idea. First of all, she was a little older than me. And it just does not work that way; the boy has to be older, that's it, end of the story. And there was more than that.

I was born in Zanarkand. A thousand years ago? Maybe. The only thing I knew about myself by then was that people called me Tidus, and that I looked a lot like Lulu's ex - my friend's little brother - Chappu. I'd never seen the guy, though, for he was dead. Chappu's older brother, Wakka, was the captain and the coach of the Besaid Aurochs, the blitzball team of his hometown Besaid. I had joined the team after drifting ashore in Besaid, and helped them to win the Blitzball Cup - I used to play for the Zanarkand Abes back in my hometown. That's why I left with them in the first place, to play in Blitzball cup in a city called Luca. But the same journey continued as summoner Yuna's pilgrimage, for Wakka and Lulu were her guardians.

Our crew contained seven people, including me. The other guardians except Wakka, Lulu, and me were called Auron, Kimahri, and Rikku. Auron was a legendary man who had been a guardian for Yuna's father, too, and so he had defeated the evil Sin ten years ago. He had been guarding Yuna's father, Lord Braska, with my father Jecht. I had thought my father was dead by then. Kimahri on the other hand was a strange wolf-like guy who scarcely spoke a word but guarded Yuna with all his heart and strength. He had known Yuna since she was born, just like Wakka and Lulu, who seemed to treat Yuna as their little sister. Kimahri belonged to a tribe called Ronso, that's why he looked like a giant wolf on two legs and with a horn on his forehead. And Rikku was a fifteen-year old girl, a member of a tribe called Al Bhed. She was good with repairing things and customising our weapons and armour, but her tribe was not the most liked one in Spira (i.e. the world we lived in). She had helped me when I had come to Spira from my Zanarkand, so I had no prejudices against the Al Bhed. But Wakka was fanatic about this, so he did not know Rikku was an Al Bhed, not before he heard Rikku speaking the Al Bhed language. That had been just a minute ago, and had caused an argument among our group. Luckily Wakka was still unaware of that Rikku was Yuna's cousin, so Yuna was partly an Al Bhed, too. One of her eyes was green with an interesting pattern, just like the Al Bhed eyes are, which was sort of strange since her other eye was plain blue. This made her face look rather mysterious.

Now we were alone, Lulu and I. She was a calm and patient girl ...woman, which often made her look ignorant. She had long black hair and deep brown puppy eyes, and she could do black magic better than anyone. Yuna knew some black magic, too, but she was not as good with it as Lulu. On the other hand, Yuna was better with white magic.

I did not know what to do, since I could not repair machina and I had nothing I would have done that with, so I just kicked the poor thing that had been transporting us through the ice and snow, and then sat on it to wait for the others. I told Lulu to sit beside me and have a chat or something. First I asked her if she was cold, and got a strict 'no' as a reply. I said she should maybe relax a bit, to which she did not reply at all. I didn't quite help her to relax, with what I was going to say. But what can I do? The situation was perfect, and this was maybe the only chance I'd ever get.

"You know... What I said back then, in Guadosalam... you told me not to fall in love with Yuna, and I said...uh..." _What a fine start, Tidus. Go go._

"I remember," she said, her eyes far away.

My heart was pounding faster than I ever remembered it pounding. This was harder than I had thought.

"Well, um, there's... there's something I want you to know."

I was trying to decide which shock would I deliver first. After a while I decided to go with the easier one first - I mean, the easier one for me. About Lulu I could never know. But maybe this way she'd pay less attention to the fact that was harder for me to say. At least I hoped so, I think.

"By then, in Guadosalam, you replied something funny...about me being a little boy. Or something. Anyway, what I mean is...that, I'm not as much a little boy as you might think."

She was surprised. And curious. And silent.

"I know you're twenty-two. And me, I'm going on nineteen, though I know you all assume I'm like seventeen or so, because I look like a little boy. And I...am not a boy."

She almost fell off her seat.

"W-what?" was all she could say at first. "You? A...girl, right? No way."

I had never seen her go off her calm, cold manner. This was the first time ever. She looked at me, and I looked back. Her lips were violet, as always, and her dark eyes seemed to seal all the secrets of the world...err, Spira. Her face was as aristocratic as it always had been, and the way she looked at me made me feel dizzy, sort of confused. She went on speaking.

"The little Tidus that showed neither any sense of fear, nor any instinct for self-preservation. Been too close to Sin's toxin, confused, messed up...didn't know what was going on, nothing about Spira, claimed to be from a city that was destroyed a thousand years ago and thus got a reputation of a madman..."

And that long black hair, those gestures that drove me crazy when fighting fiends and she'd cast her black magic spells on them, and after we won a battle she'd lean a little forward and make me wonder if her dress will fall, and her breasts...little did her costume hide anyway. I tried not to look at her breasts. Instead I tried speaking.

"Wait. There's more." I lay my hand on hers. "You know, that which I said in Guadosalam...about you, well, it was no joke. I mean - man this sounds crazy - that I think I have...fallen in love...with...you."

That's it. I'd said it. Now it was all up to Lulu how to proceed. Not an easy mission, I must admit. She was silent for a long while. I wanted to say something, anything, but I was afraid I'd ruin something. Everything. If I hadn't already done so.

"Ooh-huh," she said (like you could spell that), which sounded like the noise of a slow understanding, like falling down and then landing softly. This was soon followed by "Uhh..." and now I was not quite sure what all these phonetic expressions meant in this very situation. I did not dare to ask. And just when I was going to say something,

"So... Let me understand this. You, the little boy drifting ashore and being a blitzballplayer, are actually a girl called Tidus and in love with, uh, me. Right?"

"Yes. I guess that's it. In general." I swallowed nervously.

"So how many people know about...all this?" was her next question.

I couldn't help it; a smile lurked to my face. "About me falling in love? No one except us. And when it comes to my sex...well, my old man knew of course. And since he and Auron were acquainted, I don't know how much our 'father figure' knows. But I haven't told anyone... Well, take Wakka, for instance. He went crazy when he heard we'd be using machina against Sin. I'm sure this is against Yevon's teachings aswell, though I'm not the least familiar with those teachings."

"It is, indeed. Luckily I don't have a problem with that," she said thoughtfully.

"Yeah. You know, when I came here I knew nothing about the whole Yevon... The only thing I've known like forever is that I feel more like a boy than a girl. And my physics? Well, you can say what you want, I know I can't change it and that is the problem...and sometimes...I'm just so tired."

"I can't say I understand," she said softly, "but at least I'll try to. It's never easy to be...different."

"Amen," I said. I started to like her even more - if that was possible.

We sat quiet for a while and I hoped the others wouldn't get back just yet. Or too soon. Or ever.

"But..." she started then, "I was just wondering... I mean, I thought you were interested in Yuna."

"Yeah well so did everyone. Oh and she's cute, really, but as I said the other day, she's not quite my type."

"Maybe that's just as well, for both of you. You sure know what I mean. But Rikku's the one I feel sorry for... She's really having a crush on you, you know. And in that age it's so serious."

I smiled again.

"I noticed something like that, too. Well not before that...something...happened between Yuna and me, but after that I saw that Rikku was a little depressed or something. Thought it could be because she was fond of me, but well, I didn't want to flatter myself so I told myself it was nothing. But lately, I don't know, she certainly acts like she's having a crush on me."

Lulu gave a sad laugh.

"When that something happened between Yuna and you, I didn't feel too good either. But Rikku's fifteen so it's a bit different. She's still...sort of, eh, optimistic."

Now I got excited, and confused, and crazy.

"Wait, wait. Back up a sec. You said that you didn't feel too good either? I mean, why was that?"

"Well...uh...you know. I was...like...eh, you were...um, you look a lot like...and then, your way to show no fear... So, what I'm trying to say is...uh..."

"Yes?" I definitely wanted to hear this one.

Lulu fell silent, looking somewhere far away.

"I'm not going to say it, okay?" she finally said quietly. "I guess you already figured it out."

I wanted to laugh. To cry. To jump around. To kiss her. To be in her arms. To make love to her. To speak with her. To fly. To swim. Everything I could do with her or to her. I could not say a word. This was a dream, and I wished not to wake up.

"Y-you mean it?" I asked. I sounded like a kid.

"Yes," replied Lulu. "Just...don't tell anyone."

"No prob. Oh my god... This is just...too good to be true. ...You sure it doesn't matter that I'm...?"

She took a look at me and I smiled carefully.

"Yes. Surprisingly enough, the small crush I had on you - and that I'd never have admitted - didn't fade anywhere. In fact, it just bursted into flames."

I was left speechless. Breathless. Out of words. With no sense of time or space. Lulu took my hand and then slowly, carefully, heart aching gently kissed me, on the lips. I felt the tears in the back of my eyes. I felt her lips on mine. I felt her body close to me. I felt her perfume. I felt her tongue in my mouth. I felt like in heaven.

How long was it? A thousand years? Maybe. The only thing I know is that it ended too soon.

"Hey guys, what's..."

We jumped up and away from each other. We saw Wakka and Kimahri at distance. Wakka had shouted.


	2. We Are Definitely Going To Lose

**Chapter II**

Sometimes the message just doesn't get through to Wakka until you spell it for him, in capital letters.

Our journey continued as we headed to the Macalania Temple. All the others walked ahead me, but I slowed down on purpose. I needed some time to think and to be alone. _What does all this mean?_ I asked myself. _I finally told her, though I know I shouldn't have. But, she seemed to be rather all right about it. And God, she even kissed me. You can't go wrong with that, right? I wish we had some more time to speak before Wakka interrupted us. I can't speak to her right now. I wish I could just call out to her and say I have something to talk about. Maybe I even could do that...no, I can't be sure about her. About what she thinks. If she wants to talk to me then it's okay. But I might have upset her, I must give her time to think and set her things in order, too. I must concentrate on the mission I have at hand, no time to think about her right now. When we rest again I'll maybe get a chance to talk to her. Yes, that's what I'll do._

"Tidus! You coming or not?"

I was awakened from my thoughts by Wakka. I sighed. I had no will to reply; somehow I was weary about Wakka now.

"Yeah..." I said, but my voice was too quiet and caught by the wind for the others to hear it.

"Hey, Tidus... What's up with you?" Wakka wanted to know. Then he went on more quietly, though I could still hear him, "Lu, is there something wrong with him?"

"Not that I know of. Why?" Lulu replied. I wondered if the others could hear the tension in her voice. Otherwise she seemed utterly normal, though.

"I just thought you might know. You were the last person to talk to him, ya?"

Lulu didn't reply. Instead she shouted to me, "Tidus! Try to keep up with the pace!"

I smiled to myself. Lulu had talked to me. Yay! I dashed to catch the others, and as a welcome back -gift I got a warm smile from Lulu. I felt something warm spill inside of me, like a feeling of warmth that spread all around me and overtook me completely. _If just a smile can do that..._ I started, but got interrupted again.

"Oh look! That must be the Temple!" exclaimed Rikku. Always her sweet self.

We entered the Macalania Temple and everything went all right – well, until we encountered Maester Seymour. Auron, Rikku, and Kimahri stood back while I fought him and his guardians with Yuna and Lulu. I could see Yuna was already losing it. Our punches and spells seemed not to affect Seymour at all. I jumped ahead towards Seymour and started dashing around, striking him and his companions with my sword several times before I jumped back to Lulu and Yuna. Both of the ladies looked at me in amazement for a while as Seymour's guardians fell to the floor, both dead. But the magic mages did not have too much time to wonder, since Seymour started to summon. And what he was going to summon brought fear running up my spine.

"Feel my pain. Come, Anima..."

Lulu gasped. Yuna breathed out in horror. I just stood there, paralysed. Seymour summoned his mighty aeon, Anima, that we had seen in action before. It had killed a bunch of fiends with one slash. Just the way it looked made me want to run away and leave it all to the rest of the guardians.

I glanced at Lulu and lost all my will to run. I caught her eyes. And saw so much fear in her eyes that all I wanted was to protect her from everything. Everything.

Yuna cast a black magic spell, Fire, on Anima. She wasn't too good with her black magic, for some reason, so the spell scarcely affected the aeon at all. I made myself turn my gaze back from Lulu to Seymour's aeon, gathered my breath and ran fiercely towards it. My sword didn't hurt it either. Lulu was back in action aswell and cast a spell called Firaga. Need I say? I thought we were going to lose.

"Feel my pain..."

I saw how the aeon's attack reached Lulu. I could see how her body was slammed to the floor, and I heard how she screamed out in pain before hitting the hard stone floor.

"No! Lulu!" I shouted, fearing she was dead. "Lulu!"

I ran to her, leaning over her to check if she was all right. Her skin was pale as always, her eyes were closed but she seemed to still be breathing. I suppressed my instant urge to kiss her as a way to comfort her. Instead I cried out for Yuna.

"Yuna! She's knocked out! You need to revive her!" I exclaimed.

Yuna cast a white magic spell, Life, on Lulu. That brought her conscious again. I was by her side as she woke up, having a potion in my hand.

"You all right? Take this," I said softly. I didn't want to sound so damned soft.

"Uhh... It's all right, Tidus... I'm fine, honestly."

"You sure?"

"Hey, you two, get back to your places!" exclaimed Auron. He had replaced Yuna, who had gone 'in the back row' for more security. I turned once again to face Anima, just in time to see its next attack was even worse than the first had been. Oblivion.

Yep. We were definitely going to lose.


	3. All We Lost Was Yuna

**Chapter III**  
  
"I'm sure Yunie's okay. She's breathing fine and all. How are Lulu and Wakka?"

I stood in water, amidst the ruins of an ancient city. Rikku was the one that had spoken to me. We had survived the battle against Seymour. Yuna had emerged to replace Sir Auron, and summoned an aeon called Shiva. Anima defeated it, though, but we killed the huge and mighty fish thing shortly after that. Then we went after Seymour again, and defeated him aswell. Then he asked Yuna to pity him, which to me was disgusting. Yuna didn't have time to send him to the farplane, though, since some Guado people came to mess things up. We had to fight many of them, and as a result of some strange things that happened we ended up here.

"Wakka's in shock," I told Rikku. "And Lulu, well, she's just the same as always."

"She's so together. All grown up, I guess," Rikku commented. "Well, just give me five or six more years."

I couldn't stop myself from smiling. It was hard to imagine Rikku ever being like Lulu. In fact, it was hard to imagine anyone ever being quite like Lulu, but Rikku was still worlds apart from her. Lulu was special to me, unique. But I'm pretty sure anyone would have a problem imagining a Rikku that was like Lulu. How do you combine a cold and calm woman with a hyperactive and happy teenager?

I went to speak to Lulu. We would have to wait until Yuna would be able to carry on the journey so I had some time. I wasn't sure if this was the right time for this, but I trusted that Lulu would let me know if it wasn't.

"Uh, hi," I started. I'm a jerk, no need to tell me that.

Lulu smiled at me. Before our trip through the Ice Lands (or from Lake Macalania to Macalania Temple) I couldn't recall seeing Lulu smile too often. Now it seemed like she was smiling at me all the time. I considered that a good sign.

"Are you all right?" I asked. "I mean, I saw that the aeon hurt you pretty bad..."

"Humph," was all I got as a reply to my question. Later, I learnt that even if she were badly hurt, she would never say that aloud to anyone. Like admitting you're weak would make you even weaker. And being weak was a thing she really hated.

"I'm all right, so stop worrying about it," she said softly.

"Okay," I said. _Oh God how much I love her voice..._

We sat quiet for a while. Though I had come here to speak with her, I suddenly felt like just being with her was enough. Just sitting next to her, knowing that she's there if I need her. Or, at least if I need to talk to her or to hear her sultry voice.

"How about you, then? Are you all right?" she asked me.

Her concern felt warm to me. She wanted to know if I was all right, so it mattered to her whether I was hurt or not. Still, we had the same problem about weakness and admitting it.

"Oh, come on... I'm always all right, no matter what!" I said with a smile.

"Yes, you certainly are..." Lulu said, her voice sounding distant.

I wanted to ask, playfully, was she even listening to me, but then decided against it.

"So, then, not talking about the battle, how are you otherwise?" I know I have a problem with forming sentences the way I want to express things.

Lulu was silent for a long while before answering.

"I'm... I guess I'm just a little...messed up. You know. There are so many things all new to me."

"Yeah. You need to organise your mind about them," I agreed. "That's the way it goes."

Lulu nodded her head, still thoughtful. I glanced at Yuna. _Please don't wake up, please not just yet, please... _Yuna lifted her head from the cold stone she had been lying on. Wakka and Rikku were by her side in a minute.

"Yunie! Are you okay?" Rikku wanted to know.

I was disappointed. Every moment I had with Lulu seemed to end too soon.

"Maybe we should go to Yuna," Lulu suggested.

I shrugged, unwilling to go. I was surprised about this, though; I sure cared about Yuna, too. But right now it felt like I didn't care whether Yuna was okay or not.

"Yeah," I said reluctantly, getting up and standing in the water again. I gave my hand to Lulu. She took it and I helped her up. I looked at her, and met her eyes, just standing there in front of her and still unwilling to move. She looked at me, and I saw a lot of emotion in her eyes. I wanted to hug her. To kiss her. I almost did, but then realised I couldn't. The pain of that realisation felt too much to bear. The moment I saw compassion in Lulu's eyes I knew she had been thinking exactly the same thing as I had. That made me feel even worse.

Lulu hawked. "Let's go and see if Yuna's all right."

We did. And Yuna told us some ugly facts about Seymour – well, nothing that we didn't know already. Seymour had killed his father, Lord Jyscal Guado. And he had asked Yuna to marry him, when we were at his place in Guadosalam, and right after it he left to Macalania Temple. Yuna had thought to confront Seymour about the death of his father, but we had ended up in a battle.

Just when Yuna was finished and we were wondering how to get away from the bottom of the lake we were in, we got assaulted by Sin once again, and it threw us around and apart from each other. Those weird things it tends to do when I'm around.

I woke up much like I had when I first arrived in Spira; floating in water, face down, near a beach. I swam ashore and gazed around for the rest of our bunch. I saw no one, only sand and a few miserable trees. A desert.

I started walking away from the beach, hoping I would find the others somehow. Before I could go too far, I encountered a zu. A zu is a large bird that likes eating humans. The bird was getting the better of me, when I heard an old and grumpy voice.

"You need help?"

It was Auron. I was grateful for the help he provided, but still anxious. We still had problems with the big bird, nothing grave though, but when I heard a sultry voice calling at distance I knew we would be off a lot faster. You all know to whom they refer when they mention the words 'sultry' and 'voice'... I was relived to see her again, to see she had survived.

Lulu burned the big bird to ashes, and so our journey continued. We met Kimahri, Wakka, and Rikku again, so Yuna was the only one missing. And I can tell you that's bad: a party of six guardians without a summoner. Some guardians we were indeed, losing our summoner. If we wouldn't find her again, we would all end up being between-jobs.

"Umm..." started Rikku suddenly.

"Yeah?" I said.

"There's something I wanna tell you, but promise not to say anything."

Wakka gave her a suspicious look.

"No glaring either!" Rikku ensured. "I know where we are. We're on Bikanel Island."

"Oh?" Wakka said, still suspicious.

"There's a place us Al Bhed call Home near here. Yunie's there, I'm sure of it! Other Al Bhed must've come and rescued her!"

"Rescued? You mean kidnapped!" exclaimed Wakka in anger.

"What does it matter as long as she's safe?" I pointed out.

"That's right!" Rikku agreed. "Anyway, I will take you there if you promise...that you won't tell anyone about it."

We promised. That meant a long walk through the desert, until we came to a huge – I mean huge – steel complex right in the middle of the sand. Climbing on a dune we could all see it in a valley, nicely hidden between sand dunes. If you can hide something as big as Home.

There was a riot down there.


	4. The Wedding

**Chapter IV**

I watched a scene supposed to drive me off my guts – Yuna kissing Maester Seymour, both in wedding clothes. At least everyone else was shocked, and I felt some disgust in the back of my consciousness – after all, I did care about Yuna and Seymour disgusted me more than anything.

"Muug! Dryd'c Yunie! Fryd'c cra tuehk eh dryd uidmyhtecr tnacc?" Rikku said to her relative Cid whose airship we were travelling with.

"Ed'c y fattehk tnacc," Cid knew.

"Ed'c y fryd!" Rikku freaked out.

"What? What are they talkin' about?" Wakka wanted to know.

Of our bunch, the only ones familiar with the Al Bhed language were Rikku and I. Rikku of course was fluent in it, but I was still a student. However, I had understood her conversation with Cid.

"Eh, Wakka... It's bad news. Even worse than those you see in that sphere."

"What could be worse than Yuna kissing Seymour?"

"Wakka, calm down. Just calm down, okay?"

"Okay okay, I'm calm now! So what's the big news?"

"Um, Rikku asked what's Yuna doing in those weird clothes, and Cid told her it's a...err, that it's a, um, a wedding dress."

"It's a what!" exclaimed Wakka.

"That's funny. Rikku said the same thing when she heard that," I said dryly.

Obviously the situation wasn't already bad enough, since a businessman Rin walked in and told us there were some fiends in the airship.

"Fryd? Veahtc? Tyssed!" was Cid's reaction to Rin's news.

We had slept in Rin's Travel Agency in the middle of the Thunder Plains. We had crossed the Plains on our way from Guadosalam to Macalania Temple. In Rin's Travel Agency I had first seen a dream about Lulu...no, not the first dream but the first wet one. The thought still made me feel embarrassed somehow, though I sometimes went through the plot of my dream to recall everything as I had seen it. A precious memory, when it was all I had.

_I stood in a shower after a rough blitzball game back in Zanarkand._ This was what had happened in real life. The rest...well. _All my teammates had already left, so I stood there alone, just enjoying the cool water easing my hot and sweaty feeling and healing all my bruises. __I always went to shower when everyone had left – there were female blitzers, yes, but I didn't want to be one. The guys were the heroes. The girl blitzball fans fell in love with male blitzers. The star players were never female. That's why everyone thought that the star player of Zanarkand Abes was the son of Jecht, not the daughter._

_My hand found my belly muscles. I was proud of them. Well who wouldn't be? I carefully touched the bruise I had in my lower belly. That was done by a member of the opposing team – but I had caught the ball anyway. We had won the match, though it had been close. 2-1. A great game._

_My eyes were closed, and I was obviously deaf aswell. I didn't know I wasn't alone before I felt a hand touching my cheek. I opened my eyes in terror, and saw the most beautiful face I had ever seen. Long black hair framed – and partly covered – her face, her brown eyes with a shade of red were a few inches away from mine, her pale skin was a great emphasis for her violet lips. In one word, she was perfect. I realised she had no clothes on. Well of course, what kind of a dumbass would wear something when entering a shower? I had never seen her naked before._

_I took my time studying her body with my eyes; the breasts I had been looking at during the battles, the waist and the stomach muscles that I simply adored, her wide hips that her dress too often covered, her firm legs and her entire body as an entity. She allowed me to look at her, wearing an amused smile on her lips._

_"You like it Tidus? You like what you see?"_

_I was too stunned to answer. She gave an amused laugh._

_"I know you like it. I've seen you watch my breasts during a battle..."_

_I gasped. Suddenly I realised I was naked, too. I tried to cover my body, doing the best I could in the circumstances. This seemed to amuse Lulu aswell._

_"It's very flattering, the way you look at me..." she said, stretching out her hand and touching my face. Her hand felt gentle, warm, and wet due to the shower under which I was still standing._

_She stepped forward, her entire body now touching mine, and came under the shower aswell. Soon her wonderful pale skin was shining wet. Stuff from the adult magazines._

_I realised I no longer possessed a woman's body. My every dream had come true, so this one had aswell. I was a guy. Now I could fulfil Lulu's every wish the way she wanted to be pleased. I no longer had to explain why I had the right to fall in love with her._

_She smashed my back against the wall, not being too gentle anymore. Then she kissed me fiercely, passionately, her tongue exploring me. Her hands kept mine against the cold tile wall while she went on kissing my chest_ (a male's great chest muscles, I remind you)_ and belly, making her way down little by little. I glanced down and thanked my god – I did have a penis aswell. Lulu took it in her mouth and – oh my god. I don't think I really have to say more about it._

I woke up in a rather frustrating condition: sweaty, exhausted, yearning. For a while I thought I'd make a visit to Lulu's bed and confess her everything, but then came to my senses and decided against it. I slept again that night, but not very peacefully. I tried not to dream about Lulu anymore.

While travelling to Bevelle, which was where Yuna was getting married just then, we fought some disgusting many fiends on the airship. We even had to climb on the roof and fight a fiend that was considerably bigger than the airship – Evrae, the guardian wyrm and protector of Bevelle, a great sacred beast. As Auron said, the red carpet had teeth.

We got rid of the beast and exited the airship rather extraordinary way: sliding down metal harpoon strings towards Seymour and Yuna. Cid had shot the harpoons into Bevelle. I even flipped from one string to another, risking my life but having hell of a lot of fun.

We landed, seeing Seymour some 500 meters away from us with Yuna, amidst a sea of soldiers and guardians.

"Yuna!" I shouted spontaneously and began to run forward. The others followed me, and of course we had to fight several soldiers and machina before we reached Seymour.

"This has gone far enough!" Maester Kinoc pointed out to us.

All the guardians lifted their rifles, and we stood there looking at each other. Maester Kinoc pointed at my face with a rifle, which felt a little disturbing.

"You would play at marriage just for a chance to send me?" Seymour asked Yuna a rhetorical question.

I wondered how had he realised what Yuna was up to.

"Your resolve is admirable," Seymour went on. "All the more fitting to be my lovely wife."

I hated to hear him say that. It made a slight, loathsome worm of disgust creep up my spine. I would not want my worst enemy to be 'Seymour's lovely wife', let alone Yuna, whom I considered a very good friend of mine.

Yuna surprised us all starting to send Seymour to the farplane, but Maester Mika got in the way.

"Stop!" he yelled. "Do you not value your friends' lives? Your actions determine their fate. Protect them, or throw them away. The choice is yours."

Slowly, Yuna put down her wand. She dropped it, and it went all the way down the stairs.

"You're wise," Seymour pointed out. I was ready to kill him at once.

But the worst was yet to come. Seymour approached Yuna, holding her shoulders as if trying to prevent her from fleeing, and then moved in for a kiss. Rikku and Wakka gasped, Lulu looked away. I saw Maester Mika nodding his head, and I heard wedding bells ring. People started to clap their hands. I saw Yuna's hand turn into a fist. Then, Seymour ended the kiss to say,

"Kill them."

"I am sorry, but it is for Yevon," said Maester Kinoc.

"Aren't those weapons forbidden by Yevon?" Auron wanted to know, referring to the rifles.

"There are...exceptions," Kinoc replied, sticking a rifle in Auron's face.

That was when Yuna decided to interfere.

"No! Throw down your weapons! Let them go, or else..."

Without anyone noticing, she had moved away from Seymour. She was now standing a few steps away from falling from the edge, kilometres of empty air behind her back. Sure Seymour could not enjoy his lovely wife if she was just a wet spot on the ground of Bevelle. Maybe that's why he lowered his hand, and the rifles copied the move. I ran up the stairs, but Yuna had other plans for us.

"Leave now! Please!" she begged.

"You're coming with us!" I demanded.

"Don't worry! Go!" was Yuna's reply.

"This is foolish. If you fall, you'll die," noted Seymour, as if Yuna wasn't aware of that.

Yuna decided to play a lunatic, I believe.

"Don't worry, I can fly. Believe," she said as she leaned back and fell off the edge, smiling.

I shouted her name aloud once more in a short time.

We all looked down where Yuna had fallen. While descending, she summoned an aeon called Valefor. The aeon came down and Yuna landed safely on its soft stomach, flying away.

"Cover your eyes!"

Rikku had shouted that. Suddenly, she threw some sort of a grenade, but nothing seemed to happen. Seymour looked at the piece of metal lying on the ground in front of him. But then the grenade exploded, and some sort of white gas exited it. I quickly covered my eyes as I had been told. After the smoke had faded a bit, Wakka wanted to know what had that been.

"It was an Al Bhed flashbomb," Rikku told us.

I barely listened. I had something else on my mind.

"Let me go! I'm gonna kill that Seymour!"

Despite the fact that Seymour was already dead, I was so insistent about this that Kimahri had to crab me and carry me away.

"Yuna said leave. We leave," Kimahri said to me. This was the first time ever that he spoke to me without me speaking to him first.

"We'll join up with Yuna later," Lulu told me.

Lulu was the only person that could bring me back to Earth...err, Spira again. I looked at her, and she looked back as if trying to say I should calm down. I stopped resisting and calmed down.

"Where'd Yunie go?" Rikku wanted to know. Kimahri took a look at her.

"Bevelle Palace is temple. Yuna goes to one place only," he said.

"The Chamber of Fayth!" I realised.

So, if that was where Yuna went, that's where we went, too.

I stood on the door that led to the Bevelle Palace. The others had already entered, but Lulu looked back from inside the Palace and came back to me when she noticed I wasn't moving.

"What is it?" she asked me.

"I know we sort of don't have time for this, but..." I shrugged. "I just wanted to say that...in case this is the last time ever that I'll get to speak to you..."

Lulu shook her head, then placed her hand on my shoulder, silencing me with that.

"Come on Tidus, it's not _that_ bad."

I looked at her, but her face revealed nothing of her thoughts. And I had thought that I was the hoping-beyond-hope optimistic one of our party.

"Please, Lulu, hear me out. I don't like the way things are going now. And, I feel I might not get another chance to say this..." I breathed slowly in and out. "I love you."

Lulu turned her face away, looking to the horizon. I could see she was blinking her eyes more often than usual. I looked down to the ground. Suddenly, Lulu turned her brown eyes to me again. I had never seen her crying. I had never imagined she would ever cry.

"Tidus, I... I don't know what to say..."

I felt that the expression on my face turned to be somewhat gentle. I smiled at her.

"Don't say anything, then."

I took her hand, giving her a loving look. I captured her lips to a tender kiss, still giving her a chance to retreat if she didn't want this. But, I was not disappointed; she answered my kiss just as tenderly, her hands going through my hair. I opened my eyes and saw the tears that slid down her cheek from under her tightly closed eyelids. That made me want to cry aswell.

I retreated slowly. Lulu just stood there for a while, looking into my eyes, trying hard to stop crying. She stroked my face, and I closed my eyes, trying to maximize what I was feeling: a soft, warm hand against my cheek. My idea of heaven.

"I love you too," she said between her tears. "I love you too."

I opened my eyes and looked at her. Now, _this_ was my idea of heaven. A smile spread across my face.

"I think we should go. The others will come to look for us."

"Yes," she said. "Let's."


	5. Saving Yuna

**Chapter V**

"The entrance to the trials," said Lulu, looking at a heavy door we were facing. Down the stairs of the Temple we had gone, now standing here, practically only a Cloister of Trials between Yuna and us.

"I wonder if Yunie's really in there," Rikku sighed.

"Let's go and see!" said Wakka, perhaps wanting to participate in some action instead of pondering about Yevon and how they had betrayed us.

"Let's go!" Lulu agreed, and I heard an unusual tone in her voice. She was worried, so worried she actually wanted to hurry, and hurrying was so unlike her.

And so we went through the Cloister of Trials. It was all based on machina, and Wakka had to face yet another shock on this matter. But he had seen Yevon's maesters and priests betraying the teachings so much and so completely he had no more will to moan. We could only imagine the depth of his despair; he had truly believed in Yevon all his life. Now, they had forsaken the basis of his whole life by questioning the truth of those teachings.

We got through, and found a huge concrete door. Chamber of Fayth.

"Yuna?" I requested. I did not even stop to think how many times had I said that during a short time already.

"Inside, maybe?" Wakka proposed.

_Well that's the Chamber of Fayth, of course she's inside, you dumbass..._ I thought. I wondered what awoke those hostile thoughts for Wakka in my mind. He had been my friend. When had he turned into a stupid racist, a complete redneck? _When I came to know him_, I offered. And gave a wry smile for that.

"What are we standing here for?" I said, getting my hands under the door and trying to lift it open. I seemed an impossible task due to the weight of the door. Wakka of course was startled.

"You can stuff your taboos!" I commented to his amazement, and Kimahri seemed to agree with me on that matter. He came to help me, and together we were able to lift the door. I walked inside, and saw Yuna praying to a thing that looked like a hologram.

"W-what's that?" was my reaction to my amazement.

"A fayth," came a voice from behind me. It was Auron. "They join with the summoner, and together receive the aeon. They are human souls, imprisoned in stone by ancient Yevon rites." He paused. "The dead should be allowed to rest."

Suddenly, the fayth moved forward to enter Yuna's body, causing a bright flash of white. Yuna fell on the floor.

"Yuna!" I shouted. Yet another time.

Auron walked away from the room. I gently picked Yuna up from the floor and followed Auron, carrying her.

"Wait, don't come out!" came a teenage girl's voice from outside.

But whatever was happening there outside the door, I sort of had no choice but to come out and face whatever there was.

Our group was surrounded by guards with rifles. Maester Kinoc stepped forward, pointing out, "There's the last of them. You are to stand trial."

"I expect it to be a fair trial," Auron said with a smirk.

Kinoc gave a laugh. "Of course it will."

He looked at the guards, and understanding the command they took a few steps towards us. Now, we considered ourselves prisoners.


	6. Nothing New Under The Sun

**Note:** There are English-Al Bhed translators around the internet, so if you don't read their language fluently, don't worry. Go find one.

**--------------**

**Chapter VI**

"Rao. Ed'c paah y muhk tyo," I said conversationally, sitting next to Rikku.

We were in the court now, waiting for our trial to begin. I saw a chance to practise my Al Bhed language, since Lulu was talking to Wakka and anyway everyone would be listening to us if I tried to have a conversation with her. With Rikku I could always speak Al Bhed so no one would understand us, even if listening.

"Oayr. Oui denat ymnayto?" she asked me.

"Hu fyo!" I objected, with a slight smile.

"Uv luinca, oui't hajan ytsed ed," she noted, smiling. She knew me better than I had thought.

We were silent for a while. Suddenly, I was tempted by a chance to speak without anyone else understanding us. I felt a need to talk, about all this I had been bearing for the last few days. And, suddenly, Rikku seemed a suitable person to share this burden with. She certainly knew what it was like to be hated by the followers of Yevon because of something you were born with and can do nothing about. And she was nice. You know, you always feel nice people would understand you.

"Yldiymmo, E ryja paah y meddma denat uv paehk sa mydamo," I said.

"Rao, oui'na cdyndehk du cuiht kuut eh uin myhkiyka," Rikku noticed.

I smiled at the compliment, and I was honestly happy to hear her praising me...hear anyone praising me by then.

"Dryhgc," I thanked her. "Pid, E vaam mega E haat cusauha du dymg du. Oui ghuf? Drana'c paah...drehkc. Dryd rybbahat."

"Ur? Oui'ja muugat cyt dra mycd vaf tyoc, E hudelat."

"Oui hudelat?" I asked, amazed. She had been watching me?

"E fuimt cyo ed'c ypuid Lulu. Ech'd ed?" she asked.

I jolted up. Was it _that_ obvious to everyone? I was lucky I wasn't dead already, killed by the others. Well, no point in denying now, I gathered...

"Oayr... Ruf tet oui kiacc? Ruba ed yeh'd xieda _dryd_ upjeuic..."

She gave a sad laugh.

"Hu ed'c hud... E'ja zicd paah...ryjehk so aoac uh oui."

_Oh I see_, I thought. _Having your eyes on me, huh?_ I smiled. She was so cute.

"Ur?" I couldn't think of much else to say.

"Oayr, famm, E kiacc oui'na rybbo fedr ran, drah. Ed'c ymm nekrd, E sayh, E's ymm nekrd."

Now it was proved. Rikku did have a crush on me. What a triangle.

"E's cunno," I said. "E teth'd naymeca oui fana..."

"Tuh'd," she said, looking away. "Tuh'd ybumukeca."

We sat quiet for a while. I had started speaking before I realized I had.

"Ed'c cu cdibet oui ghuf. Du ryja y lnicr uh ran. Cra'c cu...banvald, cu ypuja ymm. Hu fyo y kio mega sa luimt ajan kad ran."

She said nothing, so I went on.

"Yht, famm, drana'c cusadrehk amca ycfamm. ...E'mm ryja du fynh oui, ed'c bnupypmo kuhhy ibcad oui," I said.

"Oui'na kuhhy damm sa oui'na hud y puo? Famm, dryd'c hu hafc du sa, Tidus," she said.

I was startled. She already knew?

"Oui ghaf!" I gawked. "Ruf ec dryd buccepma?"

"E...E gaab so aoac ubah, oui caa. Oui _tu_ ryja y fusyh'c puto, oui ghuf?"

"Ir. Nekrd." I was uneasy about speaking about this; I had been that since I could remember.

"Ur, cunno. E kydran oui tuh'd mega du dymg ypuid ed."

"Oui ghuf ajah dryd? Kucr," I was amazed. "Rumo cred."

"Tuh'd kad ibcad, ruhao, E ghuf y mud uv drehkc ypuid oui. Pid dryd'c hud pyt. E fuimth'd damm yhouha."

"U-ugyo. E kiacc ed fuimt pa duu silr ev E ycgat oui du vaam lusbycceuh. E sayh, dra fyo oui vaam..." I said, sounding clumsy.

"Crid ib. Zicd crid ib, ugyo?"

I saw her wiping something off her eye. But that very moment we got interrupted.

"Summoner Yuna. You have sworn to protect the people of Yevon, true?"

Maester Kelk Ronso, as Lulu told us quietly. Yuna answered to his question, of course saying yes.

"Then, consider: You have inflicted dire injury upon Maester Seymour Guado, conspired with the Al Bhed and joined in their insurrection. These are traitorous and unforgivable crimes that disturb the order of Yevon," he said. "Tell this court what possessed you to participate in such violence."

But Yuna had an answer to his confrontation.

"Your Grace... The real traitor is Maester Seymour! He killed his father Jyscal with his own hands!"

"What is this?" exclaimed Kelk in anger, turning to Maester Seymour and Maester Mika. And Seymour showed us he was still able to be as disgusting as we remembered him. He said to Maester Kelk in his fag-like high-pitched voice,

"Hmm? Hadn't you heard?"

I gave a quiet laugh. _Right. I killed my father, hmm, hadn't you heard? Ain't that great, folks?_

"Not only that..." Yuna went on. "Maester Seymour is already dead!"

"It is the summoner's sacred duty to send the souls of the departed to the Farplane. Yuna was only doing her job as a summoner," said Lulu in her usual calm tone.

"Grand Maester Mika, please, send Seymour now," Yuna begged.

Maester Kelk gave room for Maester Mika who came to face Yuna.

"Send the unsent to where they belong?" he said, sounding amused.

"Yes!" said Yuna, to which Maester Mika gave a quick laugh. "Maester?"

"Send the dead...hmm?"

Maester Mika seemed to taste the words, enjoying the way they sounded crazy to him. Suddenly, several pyreflies left Mika's body. Yuna gasped in disbelief.

"You would have to send me, too," noted Maester Mika.

"What?" exclaimed Wakka.

I was starting to wonder if they would ever stop. The way things were going, Wakka was going to kill himself within seconds. But the Maesters just began a lecture about dead people, and death in general.

"Grand Maester Mika is a wise leader. Even in death, he is invaluable to Spira," Kelk started.

"Enlightened rule by the dead is preferable to the misguided failures of the living," Maester Kinoc went on supporting him.

"Life is but a passing dream, but the death that follows is eternal," said Seymour as if that was new to us, and the wisest thing one could ever say. Though I have nothing against fags, I started to hate his high-pitched voice real bad.

"Men die. Beasts die. Trees die. Even continents perish. Only the power of death truly commands in Spira. Resisting its power is futile," said Maester Mika.

_What is this?_ I asked myself. _A bunch of mentally unsteady old men, fascinated by the thought of living forever and being in charge of a world forever? Have they no idea how unoriginal their attempt is? Everyone wants to live forever. Everyone wants to be the leader. That's human nature, nothing new under the sun._

"But what of Sin?" inquired Yuna. "I am a summoner, my lord, like my father before me! I am on a pilgrimage to stop the death that Sin brings." She paused. "Are you...are you telling me that, too, is futile? Grand Maester Mika, I am not alone! All the people who have opposed Sin... Their battles, their sacrifices – were they all in vain?"

"Not in vain," said Maester Mika, "no matter how many summoners give their lives, Sin cannot be truly defeated. The rebirth cannot be stopped. Yet the courage of those who fight gives the people hope. There is nothing futile in the life and death of a summoner."

"Never futile...but never ending," noted Auron dryly.

To that, Maester Mika nodded.

"Indeed, that is the essence of Yevon," he said, and I really felt sorry for Wakka. "Yevon is embodied by eternal, unchanging continuity, summoner."

"No, that can't be right!" Yuna protested.

"Those who question these truths – they are traitors!" Maester Mika told us.

Fine. That's it. We were traitors, no way out of it. Instead, the Maesters using machina they had by themselves forbidden were not traitors. We were. We alone.


	7. Have a Little Fun Together

**A/N:** So this is chapter seven, rated NC-17. Kids, consider yourselves warned.

This is horrible, really. The worst thing is that I'll have to continue the story from where I left it in the end of this chapter. But, well, here you go...

**--------------------------------------------**

**Chapter VII**

The jail cells were hanging from the ceiling. I shared a cage with Auron, feeling like a bird, wasting my breath as Auron told me.

"Get me outta here! I want out now! You hear me?" I bellowed.

"Shut up, kid. You're making me deaf," Auron said grumpily.

I barely heard him. I kept on making noises, until I felt someone lift me up a little, grabbing my neck. He turned me around to face him, and let my feet on the floor again.

"I said shut up, Tidus. Don't make me silence you with these two," Auron said, his fists an inch away from my face. I got the hint, sighed and sat down, burying my face in my hands. I was terribly worried about the girls. I could only imagine what would Seymour want to do with them. I tried not to think about that, but human mind loves to play tricks with you, showing you pictures you don't want to see.

"Man, I hope Lulu's okay," I sighed, spontaneously.

Auron gave me a weird look.

"Yuna's strong. She'll make it," he replied.

"To hell with Yuna!" I exploded. "Don't you give me that, hell I don't care if Yuna will make it! Well, she's my friend yes, but that's about it! My mind is sick of worrying about Lulu, so there's no more left for Yuna, OK? There is _no_ more left!"

He did not say a thing for a long while. For me, it was just as well. I scarcely even noticed I had just revealed him a secret that should not have been told to anyone.

"Don't you yell at me, son," he said. He really sounded insulted.

I was in a mood for fighting. My nerves were so tense I could imagine them cracking at any time.

"I'm not your son," I pointed out.

"How do you know?" he asked.

"So I am your son? So you came to screw my mother while my old man was away and no one ever noticed that? And now you chose this, of all the times, to tell me?"

He gave a dry laugh.

"No."

I gave him a fierce look.

"Just that you wouldn't know if I was."

"The hell do I care," I commented. "You wouldn't have done worse than Jecht himself."

He did not say anything to that. After a few minutes' silence, he said quietly,

"Lulu's strong, too. She'll make it aswell."

"Shut up," I said. "I don't need you to tell me that."

"You really wanna fight, don't you?" he said in a snapping tone.

I kept looking straight ahead, not saying a word, not moving. But after a while, I started to get bored about it. I could aswell talk a few things away while I had the time.

"Why is it...everything in Spira seems to revolve around people dying?" I asked.

I thought about that which I had been told on Bikanel Island, the Al Bhed Home. That summoners, including Yuna, would die defeating Sin. The only way to defeat Sin was to summon the Final Aeon, but when summoned, the aeon would kill not only Sin, but also the summoner. No matter whether they won the battle or not. That was an idea the Al Bhed were opposing fiercely.

"Ah, the spiral of death," was Auron's cryptic reply to my question.

"Huh?"

"Summoners challenge the bringer of death, Sin, and die doing so. Guardians give their lives to protect their summoner. The fayth are the souls of the dead. Even the maesters of Yevon are unsent." He paused. "Spira is full of death. Only Sin is reborn, and then only to bring more death. It is a cycle of death, spiralling endlessly."

That gave me another chance to sigh and bury my face to my hands. I heard a voice from above us.

"Young man? Is your name Tidus?"

I lifted my head to see who was speaking to me. Maester Kinoc.

"Yeah," I said with the lowest voice I could come up with. "What of it?"

"I need you to come with me," he said.

"Oh? You need me to come with you, sir?" I said, obviously mocking him.

He paid no attention to my irony. Instead, he sent a few guards to have me removed from the cage.

"Don't you dare to touch him," Auron warned Maester Kinoc. He sounded threatening, even to me. I wondered why was that. Maester Kinoc gave a short laugh.

"It wouldn't even cross my mind to touch him, dear old friend..."

"But someone else might come up with that thought I'm sure. You Maesters seem to break every rule you have once made."

Maester Kinoc still wore a wide smile on his face.

"Oh, don't you worry about it, Auron. I'm sure the boy will enjoy it," he said, and for some reason I could feel one of those worms of disgust creeping up my spine again. I had been worried about the girls, but now it crossed my mind that Seymour acted – and most of all, sounded – like a gay man. And of course he thought I was a young boy.

It appeared I had been wrong. Fortunately or not, I'm not sure.

I was taken to Seymour's private chamber, a very nice place indeed, with red silk and lace everywhere. He even had a huge bed, with enough room for at least four people to sleep in it. I wondered what would I do there, since there was no one except me in the room. I took a seat and glanced around, but nothing caught my eye.

After a while, Seymour materialised in. He was wearing a triumphant smile, and that was enough to drive me off my guts.

"Ah, I see my guest has arrived," he said.

_You bastard_, I replied in my thoughts, but was wise enough not to say it aloud.

"The rest should join us in a minute," he went on.

"The rest?" I inquired.

"You will see, soon enough," was his reply. "How about some wine?"

"No thank you," I said.

He lifted his left eyebrow a little.

"Well, then, allow me some."

Behind me there was a table, with two bottles of red wine on it. Seymour came to me, much too near, and touched my cheek with his long and sharp nails.

"You are...fascinating, Tidus. Yes, a fascinating young man indeed," he said, almost dreamily. "And beautiful," he then added, making me shiver.

_Give me a break, you worm_, I suggested in my mind. I almost said it aloud, but then decided against it. We were interrupted by a knock on the door, and I thanked my god. I should not have.

"Yes?" Seymour said, turning sideways to the door.

"Maester Seymour, sir, we brought the prisoners you requested!" came a voice from behind the door. One of the guards, I assumed. Seymour walked over to the door and opened it. I gasped, my eyes wide open, at the sight of the prisoners; three young ladies, so covered with bruises and blood I barely recognised them anymore. Yuna, Rikku, and – Lulu.

"Oh but look at you," Seymour said, sounding like he pitied the prisoners. "You shall need a bath, and...something else aswell."

He took the women in chains in and sent the guards away. I looked at Lulu, feeling a sudden urge to kill Maester Seymour and all the guards I could, for they had hurt my lady this bad. Unfortunately, I had no choice but to sit there and do nothing. Seymour placed the three prisoners on his huge bed.

"The bathroom is that way," he told them. "I shall make sure we will have a bath arranged in some time. Please, make yourselves comfortable."

"It's slightly hard to make yourself comfortable when beaten and in chains," Rikku pointed out.

Seymour smiled mildly.

"I see." He paused for a long while. "But, you see, you are prisoners. I cannot risk my own safety, nor yours, by unbinding you. My sincerest apologises."

"What are we here for?" Lulu wanted to know.

My heart ached to hear her voice again; she was so beautiful, and so ill treated at the moment. I simply wanted to take her in my arms and run away.

"We shall...have a little fun together, the five of us," Seymour replied.

"Where are Auron and Wakka, and Kimahri?" I asked.

"You did see Auron a few minutes ago, did you not?" he said. "They are all in their cells."

"So why are we here, then?" Yuna asked.

Circling around the same question, and Seymour was avoiding it as best as he could. He smiled mischievously to us.

"So eager to know? Very well, then."

He raised his hand to cast a spell. It seemed to fall on me. At first, I felt no effect. Then I tried to move my hand. It did not move.

"What is this?" I said, more to myself than to Seymour.

He gave a laugh.

"There are some wonderful things you can do with magic. When fighting a fiend, I imagine you would like to be able to paralyse them."

"What the hell are you up to, you bastard!" I exploded. "Let me go you slimy little worm!"

"Quiet," he said. For some reason, I obeyed.

Seymour turned to face the three women on his bed. He approached them, first going to Rikku, and taking her chin in his grip.

"How old are you?" he asked.

"I'm...I'm fifteen," she answered, obviously distracted by him being so close.

The corners of Seymour's mouth formed a strange smile to his face. He seemed to be smiling almost unwillingly.

"Fifteen? Oh, what a shame," he said, turning away.

_Is it always that my worst fears just absolutely have to come true_? I wondered. I sat on a chair, a comfortably soft red armchair. I could not move, nor could I turn my head, so I just had to sit back and watch. That seemed to be Seymour's idea of 'having a little fun together, the five of us'. That sick pervert bastard.

He cast his paralysing spell on Yuna and Lulu, too. He seemed unsure if he could fight two ladies in chains? A grown-up man.

Then, he started picking on Rikku.

"So, you are fifteen? Still a little girl, aren't you?" he said in a teasing tone.

Rikku gave no reply to that.

"Tell me, Rikku, have you ever been with a man before?"

_Straight into action, good ol' Seymour boy_. I shivered, and so did Rikku.

"That's none of your business," she muttered.

"Oh? Well. I take that as a no." He paused, glancing at the teenager. "We shall have that fixed."

"Not in this life!" exclaimed Rikku, but it was too late. Seymour had already unzipped everything he needed to unzip, and now went after Rikku's clothes. Soon, she was bare naked. Should I have been able I would have turned my head away. Or closed my eyes. Anything.

Seymour took Rikku's hands in his.

"Do not worry about it," he said, "you won't even notice."

Rikku tried to break free, cursing fiercely in Al Bhed, but Seymour finally cast his paralysis spell on her, too.

"Do not worry, I shall have you freed soon. Then, it is only a good thing if you move yourself a little. You see, men like women moving a little under them," Seymour said.

I felt like throwing up.

"Tuh'd oui tyna du duilr sa! Kad uvv uv sa, oui pycdynt! E'mm gemm oui ev oui tyna du duilr sa! ...Cusauha ramb sa! Bmayca, ramb! RAMB SA!"

Rikku had changed to her native tongue. Soon, her fierce threats towards Seymour changed to a wordless cry of pain. I wanted to be somewhere else. Anywhere. But I had no choice but to watch how Seymour took a good grip of Rikku's thighs, then took them apart, and thrust himself fiercely into her. I felt a tear sliding down my cheek.

I saw Seymour freeing Rikku of the paralysis. She began to struggle immediately, but there was nothing she could do; Seymour was stronger, bigger, and already on and inside of her.

Eventually, Seymour came. Inside of Rikku, his seed began a long journey that hopefully would not lead to pregnancy. He backed away, and the blood I saw on his sheets made me want to throw up and run away at the same time. Rikku quickly curled up to form a little ball, covering herself. Seymour seemed to pay no more attention to her.

"Summoner Yuna," he said, his face to the wall. Yuna gasped.

_So she's next_? I thought.

"I know you have lived a very secure life, as all who plan to become summoners. Now, you are still young. I would assume that you, too, are a maid."

"As Rikku said, that is none of your business, Maester Seymour," Yuna said. Her voice sounded steady. I wondered how did she keep herself together.

Seymour turned around to face her.

"You would not like to die, never having slept with a man. Never having felt the warmth and pressure of a man's penis inside of you? Never have felt it beat inside you when he comes? Believe me, Yuna, those are things you do not want to miss."

"Maester Seymour," Yuna began, as if he had not upset her at all, "I believe I could die without having experienced that. And should I want to get rid of my virginity, I would like to do it with a man I truly love, and that loves me aswell."

This seemed to amuse Seymour slightly.

"But, summoner Yuna, you are my wife! Here it is; a man you love, and that loves you aswell."

"Maester Seymour, I apologise for I see you have mistaken something. I do not love you. And I do not believe that you love me either."

Yuna was keeping it up bravely, but I suspected she was only winning time. Seymour was going to rape her anyway, no matter what she might say. And I was going to sit here and watch.

Seymour came closer to Yuna, his hands reaching out for her breasts. Yuna winched and tried to move away, but she couldn't due to the paralysis. Seymour moved in for a kiss. Then, after a moment, he backed up.

"I shall not touch you, lady Yuna, before I have dealt with the others," he said, sounding cold.

That made me gasp. The others meant Rikku and Lulu, and the one that was left – not 'dealt with' – was my lady.

"Seymour!" I shouted to him. He did not even turn to me. "Seymour, dammit! Look at me when I'm talkin' to you!" I almost screamed.

He turned to face me, with a curious look on his face.

"So, you wish to go first, Tidus?" he teased me.

For some reason, I didn't find that very funny. I hated it when I had to try to win him just by talking. I knew this was a battle I was destined to lose, no matter what I could possibly come up with. Seymour turned away from me to face Lulu.

"You are Lulu, I assume? I do not believe we have met before," he said.

Lulu remained silent, and I much appreciated that. _Ice cold lady_. She glanced at Rikku, and that made me realise she was no longer paralysed. Seymour looked surprised, too.

"You seem to have great magic defence," he then said dryly.

I followed Lulu's gaze with my eyes to see how Rikku was doing. She was still hugging herself, covering her body with her arms, and whining. She looked so miserable.

"You were free all the time?" Yuna asked in confronting voice.

Lulu did not have time to reply. In an instant, Seymour was on her side, caressing her breasts through her dress. I tried to jump up and run to him, but my muscles did not obey me. I sat there, completely relaxed. The only muscles I could control were in the area of my face, so I could talk and smile and everything, but that was it. I wondered why couldn't I close my eyes, since everything else I did with my facial muscles seemed to work perfectly.

Lulu raised her hand to cast a spell, but nothing happened. Seymour giggled.

"I presume you, too, are familiar with silence."

Silence was a condition that prevented all magic. So, despite of paralysing all of us, Seymour had felt necessary to even silence the mages? I glanced at Yuna, but obviously she was unable to cast any spells aswell. Despair grew inside of me; Seymour was going to rape my lady and there was nothing I could possibly do about it? _Damn it, damn it, damn it!_ was all I could think.


	8. Via Purifico

**Chapter VII**

_Let's face it. I god damn it don't wanna talk about it_! I thought. I guess my face told those words so that I did not need to say them aloud to Auron. I was back in my cell again, more silent than ever, and I guess Auron wanted to play a good daddy with me. 'Tell me what's wrong, it'll be okay' -sort of thing. But what I had seen I never wished to discuss.

"Well, Tidus. If you ever feel like you want to talk about it, I'll be there," Auron said.

_Fuck off_, I thought, but I was too beat to actually speak. I didn't want his compassion. I didn't want anything just then, anything else than to forget and become numb. Discussing it all over again would not help me to forget.

Yes, Seymour had raped Lulu. And I had been sitting there to watch it, every second of it. Now, if I closed my eyes that's what I saw. If I tried to think that's what I saw. I wanted nothing more than to get rid of that image, like a movie that was played again and again, and it was the only think I could not get out of my head.

I had been sitting on the floor, but now all of a sudden I got up and started kicking the iron bars fiercely. That was trying to physically focus on something else. To my surprise, Auron said nothing at first. But by the time I fell down on my knees and started hitting my head against the bars, he was by my side in a second, lifting me up from the floor.

"Tidus!" he yelled at me. "Come on boy, stop that!"

I was all cracked. I had no idea of my surroundings. Auron's voice seemed to reach me from a distance. I kept hitting him, trying to get free from his grip.

"Tidus, calm down son," Auron said, a bit more softly.

Eventually, my fierce battling against him faded to a tight hug and cry. I hadn't realised I was crying. I buried my face in his red coat, trying not to think it was colored like blood.

"It's okay, son, it's okay..." he said, evidently unsure of what to do or say.

I scarcely paid attention to his words, rather to his tone. I completely missed the fact he called me 'son' again so I didn't feel weird about it. Usually he was keeping distance rather than getting close over any formal limits.

"Listen, Tidus, whatever he did to you it will be all right. You will be all right."

I totally disagreed, but had no strength to say it aloud. I just cried. Auron went on speaking.

"I know what kind of an asshole he is, I don't know if even the most wicked maesters are aware of all his deeds. Not even the maesters of Yevon look favourably at all he does."

"It is so unfair," I said suddenly. I realised I had spoken out aloud, and felt a need to explain myself. Through the tears I went on, "He is a man of great power, whatever way you look at it. And he's maybe the shrewdest man I ever met, and most twisted. Why does he have such power, when thousands of good men can do nothing about their fucked up lives, and the lives of their miserable companions?"

Auron said nothing to that. He had no answer, and I was angry because of that.

I heard the footsteps before I could hear the man speaking.

"Come out. Your sentence has been decided," maester Kinoc told us.

Auron gave him a sarcastic look.

"Sentence? Don't you mean execution?" he asked.

Maester Kinoc faked astonishment rather well.

"Really, now, what person would execute a dear friend?" he asked, sounding almost insulted.

"You would," was Auron's dry reply.

To that, maester Kinoc gave no answer. Instead he had some guards remove us from our cell. On our way through the dark corridors of stonewalls I tried to look around me to catch a glimpse of the others, but even Auron got separated from me, and I saw no one from our bunch. I was taken to a room with a small pool of water. I glanced down, and could see no bottom. The small pool was surely deep.

"Looks like you're next!" said one of the guards that had walked me here.

"Next for what?" I asked angrily.

"Get going!" was his reply.

He punched me on my back so hard that I fell down into the pool. When I came back to the surface, the guards pointed at me with their rifles. I spitted out the water from my mouth and asked,

"Where's everybody else?"

"Floating down there somewhere, maybe," was their reply.

I had no choice, so I dived. At first, it was like swimming down a pipe, until I came to a wider pool with a roof and walls. The first thing I saw was Wakka.

"Oooh! You made it!" he said, and we high-fived each other.

I glanced around and saw Rikku swimming towards us. When she reached us I asked them both what was our sentence.

"Think they expect us to give up and die down here," said Wakka.

"Well, that's a lame way to kill someone," I pointed out my opinion.

Rikku had other concerns than the maesters of Yevon's way to kill people.

"Where's Yunie?" she asked, as if we'd know. I told her I didn't.

Had I dared I would have asked if they knew something about Lulu and where she was.

"Wonder if we should wait for her..." Rikku said, and it took me a while to realise she was talking about Yuna though I was thinking about Lulu.

"Let's wait at the exit," I suggested.

"If there is an exit," said Rikku. Always her sweet self? Hardly this time.

This seemed like a maze full of water. Wakka told me we were in Via Purifico, a place to throw the traitors in. He told me there was another part of this maze, one that was without the water. He said the rest of our group had surely been thrown there, to fight the fiends the maesters had captured there.

"Wakka, are these maesters completely sane?" I asked.

He seemed surprised.

"Why?" he asked.

"If you have a maze with two parts, one filled with water and another one without it, and you want to kill a bunch of people with this maze of yours, why throw the only ones that can swim into the water, and the rest on dry land?"

Rikku gave a laugh.

"Maybe they thought our skills the other way around?" she suggested.

"With Wakka and I being blitzers? Scarcely," I said.

"Well you never know with those Yevonites," Rikku said with a laugh.

Our conversation was interrupted by a couple of big fishes that we had to fight. As my sword cut them to death I realised I was hungry. Some fried fish would have been a heaven to me. Come to think of it, I hadn't been eating for two days. I kind of hadn't had the time.

Swimming through the maze, we eventually met a pack of pyreflies. They re-formed a huge wormlike thing that was deep blue, and there seemed to be something seriously wrong with it. It looked familiar in a strange way.

"Holy shit," breathed Wakka, "that's the wyrm we killed when arriving."

Rikku winched.

"What's happened to it?" she asked quietly.

"Rikku, think later!" I exclaimed, for the wyrm started to chase us. It didn't seem to have too friendly intentions towards us whatsoever.

But we couldn't run forever. There was a wall in this maze, a wall that blocked our escape and sealed us in the same area with the wyrm.

"Now what?" I asked.

"I think you can open those locks," Rikku offered.

I glanced at the wall behind my back and realised she was right. The wall was actually a door. Wakka took in the information and swam towards one of the locks, perhaps intending to break it with an attack.

"Wait!" I shouted to him. An idea had come into my mind. "If we killed that thing earlier, then it's dead now, right?"

"Well yeah, usually, that's the way it goes, ya?" Wakka mocked me.

"So it's an unsent, right?" I went on.

"Yeah. You missing Yuna here, huh?" Wakka said.

"Come back here, Wakka," I told him. "I have an idea."

"What?" he asked, swimming back to us.

I groped my bag for a Phoenix Down, a potion to revive an unconscious person, and threw it towards the wyrm.

"What the hell are you doing man, you're wasting our Phoenix Downs!" Wakka freaked out.

"Look," I replied.

The wyrm shook its head and roared in pain. Rikku noticed that too, and followed my example and wasted another one of our Phoenix Downs. The wyrm exploded into a ton of pyreflies.

"Whoa," said Wakka. "Hey guys, you left me out of the battle, ya?"

"Sorry," I said with a smile, not sounding too honest.

So we went on swimming, and for some reason we encountered no more fish on our way through this maze. Maybe the presence of the wyrm had kept them all away from this part of it. Or maybe there was no need for them, for according to all expectations the wyrm should have finished us off. But we were alive and kicking – my only concern was what had happened to Lulu, and if she was all right aswell.


	9. The Best One So Far

**Note:** I guess you all noticed I'm not too fond of author's notes in the middle of my text. Well, anyway, here it is: chapter nine, I proudly present :) And now, the promised sex scene, that makes this story rated M. You're very welcome - and I promise you even more in the upcoming chapters :smirk:

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**Chapter IX**

"Yunie! You're all right?" Rikku exclaimed. We had worked our way out of Via Purifico, and met the others at the end of it. "We were so worried! It's good to have you back!" Rikku went on.

Yuna hugged her green-eyed cousin, as to say she was glad to see us, too.

"Um, I...uh..." I started, trying to say something.

I glanced at Lulu, and seeing her brought a certain image in front of my eyes again. I closed my eyes for an instant, as a sudden pain tore me apart from the inside. _No. This is NOT what I want to see. Not every time I see her._ I turned away from her, shaking my head as if trying to shake off the feeling I had. When I lifted my eyes, I faced another shock: three Guado soldiers, a Bevelle soldier holding maester Kinoc, and the man I hated the most in the whole Spira approached us. Before I could say a word, the soldier let go of maester Kinoc, who fell flat on the floor. He was left there, lying motionless on his stomach. Had I not been too shocked to move, I would have dashed ahead to kill Seymour at once. Auron was the first one to speak.

"Kinoc!" he said, for a reason I could not work out.

I decided to talk to Seymour, not quite sure of what I would say, but instead of a long and affecting speech about my hatred towards him, all I that came out of my mouth was,

"Why, you!"

I felt so ashamed. This was how I revenged a man that had raped my girl. 'Why, you!' I felt a sudden need to break down and cry.

Seymour, unlike me, had a long speech to give.

"I have saved him," he started talking about maester Kinoc. "He was a man who craved power. And great power he had, but he feared losing it. Trembling at unseen enemies, he spent his days scheming petty schemes. Chased by his fears, never knowing rest." He paused. "You see... Now he has no worries. He has been granted sleep eternal. Death is a sweet slumber. All the pain of life is gently swept away... Ah, yes."

We all looked at him as if he was totally lost his mind.

"So you see...if all life were to end in Spira, all suffering would end. Don't you see? Do you not agree? That, Yuna, is why I need you. Come, Lady Yuna. Come with me to Zanarkand, the lost city of the dead. With death on our side, we will save Spira, and for this... I will take from you your strength, Yuna, your life, and become the next Sin. I will destroy Spira! I will save it!"

So this was his plan.

"You're totally nuts!" I said. "You're a twisted pervert bastard, Seymour! Come here and fight me like a man, with no paralysing spells on your weaker enemies, and let's see how much you can do then! Let's watch me kill you, Seymour!"

I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned furiously, to meet strict ray-bans. Auron shook his head. I could hear a quiet whine coming from where Rikku was standing. Still, I could not regret my words. I would have said a lot more, had Auron not silenced me. I turned back to Seymour, to see his self-confident smile that bothered me a great deal.

Kimahri decided to do something instead of just to stare at Seymour. He ran forward to stab Seymour with his spear. It became lodged in Seymour's chest. Everything was silent for a while, since no one seemed to know what to say. Finally, Seymour looked down at the spear.

"Unpleasant..." he sighed.

_No shit Sherlock_, I thought.

"Very well. I will give you your death. You seem to want it so."

Seymour raised his rod. Some sort of dark energy radiated from it, causing that the four soldiers and Kinoc all dissolved into pyreflies. Some pyreflies surrounded Seymour's body aswell, and he transformed into a white being with purple armor and huge, strange wings in the back. I stared at him in disbelief. Was he serious we'd fight him again, after killing him once? He seemed to float in the air, and Kimahri was still in front of him, spear in hand.

"Run! Protect Yuna!" Kimahri shouted to us.

"Go!" Auron agreed with him, as I did not move.

"No way! I'm fighting!" I assured.

Auron decided to threat me once again. He took his sword to hold it in front of my face and say,

"I said go!"

I glanced at Yuna. I'm really not sure why; maybe I just felt I could not look at Lulu anymore. Yuna nodded to me, and I had made my decision. We all ran away, leaving Kimahri behind. But after a while of running away, Yuna stopped to say,

"I won't leave Kimahri behind!"

Auron snorted.

"He is a guardian. Protecting you is everything."

"Auron!" Yuna exclaimed.

"That's right! We're all guardians!" I said. "Yeah, and you know what that means? Yuna... Anywhere you go, I'll follow!"

"Anywhere I go?" Yuna assured.

"Yeah, anywhere!"

Yuna smiled at me. I found myself wondering how she could smile, after all that had happened to her just a while ago. But we both turned around and dashed back to Kimahri and Seymour.

"Hey, Kimahri! Leave some for us!" I shouted, sounding more joyous than I actually was.

I heard a voice from behind us.

"Hey! Wait for me!"

It was Wakka.

"Me, too!" shouted Rikku, and ran to us.

Lulu and Auron followed us from a distance.

We all battled against Seymour, Yuna with the mightiest of her aeons, and the rest of us by our own strength. Seymour beat us all really bad again, and more than once I was worried to death for Lulu. But eventually, the last strike of mercy reached even Seymour, and he vanished in a cloud of smoke with some pyreflies. And we escaped with our skins intact, but Yuna lost something. I could already tell, her faith was shaken just like Wakka's; Yevon had betrayed her and us all. I felt like I should do or say something, anything, but nothing came. I was just as lost as she was. I'm not good with these things, really.

We headed to a campsite near Lake Macalania, and took a rest there. Auron told us we'd be fine, if we just avoided the city of Bevelle in the future. Then, he requested fro Yuna.

"She said she wanted to be alone," Rikku said.

"Of course," was Auron's reply.

However, the others told me to go and talk to her. But before that I sat down to write down a song I had been thinking about ever since I was brought back to the jail cell in Bevelle. The title became to be 'Don't Blame Yourself'.

"Hey."

I lifted my head from my writings, and found myself looking at the pure beauty of Lulu's face. She sat down by my side, and I greeted her quietly.

"I'm sorry," she said, and I lifted my eyes to meet hers.

It took me a while to find my tongue.

"You...you're sorry? Why?" I asked, hardly believing my ears.

She gave a sad sigh.

"For all you had to see," she replied.

"Oh, Lulu," was all I could say to that.

I reached out for her, capturing her body to a tight hug. I wished to never let go of her.

"I'm so sorry. For all he has done to you," I said, finding it hard to form those words.

I was on the verge of tears, but Lulu seemed to keep herself together better than me.

"It's all right," she said.

I had found a quiet place to write my song, so we were out of sight for everyone else. I doubted they could even hear us; I had made sure I was out of earshot aswell.

I wanted to say it was not all right. I wanted to tell her I cared for her too damn much to just say it did not matter. But for some reason, all I needed to do was to hug her, and keep her close by my side.

"By the way," she started speaking again, "when you talk to Yuna again, please tell her I wasn't free of the paralysis spell all the time. I have a big magic defense, but it only helped me to struggle free of his spell, slowly."

"I'll tell her that," I promised.

"I suppose you should go to her now," Lulu said. "She needs you."

"Well, so do you," I argued.

"No. I already had my share. She is your summoner. You'd do just well to keep that in mind, even though you might care about me."

"No, you don't understand," I said. "It's more than that. I love you. It's the only thing that is bigger than my duties for Yuna."

Lulu stroked my cheek gently.

"As much as I would like it being that way, it isn't. Your duties for your summoner overcome everything else."

I had no will to argue about this. Instead, I kissed her, and found my hands wandering on her neck. She touched my chest, not a male blitzer's chest with great muscles, but the only part of my body that so I deeply loathed. But Lulu, she seemed fascinated by the touch of soft flesh underneath my not too tight black t-shirt. My shirt had a text in it, too: on the front side a huge blue 'Zanarkand Abes' and in the back my name, with the same electric blue color.

"It's amazing...the way no one of us ever noticed you're not a boy," Lulu purred softly to my ear, so close I could feel the warmth of her breath on my neck. I closed my eyes, shivering a little, as a wonderful feeling of physical closeness overtook me completely. Somewhere in the back of my dozing brain I started to realise where all this could lead. I smiled faintly.

"Lulu," I started, as her hand began to form patterns on my breast. "Uh, you know, um, I -- I don't like them being touched, you know."

I could scarcely believe I had been able to say that aloud. Lulu moved her hand, placing it on my shoulder instead.

"Oh. Sorry," she whispered softly.

"It's okay, really, you couldn't have known. I mean, most of the women --"

Lulu silenced me with her lips on mine. It all happened so swiftly; her hands were in my hair, then pulling my shirt over my head, then unbuckling the suspenders keeping my shorts up, then in my pants... I let out a soft moan of pleasure, encouraging her to go on. She unzipped my pants aswell, and I was lying on my back on the soft grass of Macalania Woods, and Lulu lowered her head to meet my most private place with her lips and tongue. I breathed out sharply at the sensation; Lulu proved to be every bit of the pleasure her gorgeous looks promised her to be.

"Oh...my...God," I breathed, then added, "Don't stop, Lulu please don't stop..."

She lifted her head to speak.

"Don't you worry, it'll be okay," she assured me, then slid two of her long, elegant fingers inside of me. I gasped.

Lulu seemed to know what she was doing. I could feel the orgasm growing somewhere far from me, but creeping closer and closer, until I was there, and it was like falling, like flying through the air, and waves of pleasure washed over me, one after another.

When I returned to Earth, I did it with a wry laugh.

"Holy shit, Lulu, how on Spira did you do that?" I panted.

She smiled at me.

"Do what?" she inquired.

"Well, that. That huge thing that no one has never, I mean _never_ done to me before," I replied, still unable to breathe steadily.

"You don't mean...?" Lulu got worried suddenly.

"No, no, for heaven's sake no," I laughed. "That was not my first time. But, quite sincerely, it was the best one so far."

"Oh, my... Thanks..." Lulu muttered.

"No, I should be the one thanking you," I chuckled. "So, thank you, my goddess."

"Uh, you're welcome, I guess," Lulu said, obviously feeling a little uneasy.

After a few more moments of panting, I said,

"Umh. Seems like it's my turn to return the favor."

Lulu raised her hands in a gesture that expressed objection.

"No, really, you don't have to..."

I interrupted her the same way she had silenced me a few moments ago: by my lips on hers. She did not object any further.

I showed her the best I had to demonstrate. And that seemed to please her fairly well, judging by her moans and mutters.

Afterwards, I gave her time to settle her breath and return to this world, then asked anxiously the question that had been on the tip of my tongue for a good long deal of time.

"Lulu... Did you really mean it, when you said the other day that you love me?"

She glanced at me, as if to assure herself if I was joking or not.

"Tidus, from the bottom of my heart, I was sincere when I said that. Yes. I do love you."

I sighed in delight, and buried my face in her silky pale skin, somewhere around her large breasts, and once again marvelled at the sight of them.

"Lulu... I just love your breasts," I murmured.

She gave a soft laugh, sounding more sexy than ever.

"Thank you, Tidus," she said. "I've caught you looking at them, at times."

I jolted up.

"You have what?" I exclaimed.

"You heard me," she said, sounding amused. "I find that very flattering, the attention you seem to have towards my breasts."

"Uh, right. Whatever you say, my love."

I never found myself comfortable without my clothes, at least not for a long time. So I started to gather my clothes again, feeling Lulu's eyes on me all the time. I glanced at her, and she smiled.

"Maybe...maybe you should go to Yuna now," she suggested.

I sighed.

"Maybe," I replied. Actually, I had no will to leave her and go to Yuna at all. "I love you."

"I love you too," she said gently. "Now go."

I leaned forward to kiss her on the lips, then got up to my feet.

"I'll be right back," I promised.

"You'll find me among the others," she told my back as I was walking away.


	10. Yuna

**Note:** Okay, folks, chapter ten. If you have played the game, you have a clue of what's going to happen here. This was an interesting one to write, actually. Enjoy.

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**Chapter X**

"I always thought that this would be easier somehow. I thought that everyone would help me, with all my new friends together beside me. I've been trying so hard," Yuna said sadly.

We were not on a lake, rather in it, standing in the water and walking even deeper.

"Maybe you're trying too hard," I suggested. "They told me...everything."

"Everything?" Yuna inquired.

I replied with a nod.

"Well, so then...you know."

Yes, I knew she was going to die.

"I'm sorry," I said.  
Yuna turned to face me.

"It's just, you know... all those things I said. Like 'Let's go get Sin!' Or about Zanarkand... I didn't know what would happen to you, Yuna. I guess... I hope it didn't make you sad," I said. "Forgive me."

"I wasn't sad," Yuna told me. "I was happy."

I dived, and came up a few meters away from Yuna.

"That's right," I said. "Forget all about Sin, about being a summoner. Forget all that. You know, live a normal life. Come on now, Yuna, what do you say?"

She smiled.

"Maybe I will."

I swam to her.

"Wouldn't everyone be surprised?" she said with a smile.

"Yeah," I said. "Except Rikku. She'd be with you. Lulu and Wakka wouldn't hold out long."

Yuna went on with that thought.

"Kimahri would say yes, too, I know. But Sir Auron..."

"I'll make him understand, Yuna," I offered. "It's the least I can do for you."

"No, I should tell him. He deserves it," Yuna said.

Then she leaned back to float on her back in the water.

"What'll I do if I give up my pilgrimage?" Yuna wondered.

"Hey! Zanarkand! Let's go to Zanarkand!" I suddenly realised. "Not the one in Spira, the one I'm from. Yeah, we can all fly there. Everyone can go! Then we'll have a big party at my place!"

I know I sounded like a kid. I imagined having a big party in my place, with all my favorite drinks and all our bunch – and especially Lulu.

"And then we could see Blitzball!" Yuna got excited.

"Yeah!" I said, as if to support her.

"Your Zanaraknd Abes would play!" Yuna went on. "We could all watch you play, in the stadium all lit up at night! I'd cheer and cheer till I couldn't cheer anymore!"

"Right on!" I commented.

I was getting as excited as she was, thinking about my hometown and my old life. I longed to play blitzball again. It had been a long time since I last had played.

"Well, what about after the game?" Yuna asked.

"We'd go out and have fun!" I replied, thinking about the bars and the neon lights.

"In the middle of the night?" Yuna inquired, sounding confused.

"No problem! Zanarkand never sleeps!" I told her, getting all the more excited about the idea.

I had thought I was no more homesick, since I had realised there was no way back home. That had been when we had found a sphere that my father had left here for me to find.

"Let's go to the sea, before the sunrise," I went on. "The city lights go out one by one. The stars fade... Then the horizon glows, almost like it's on fire. It's kinda rose-colored, right? First in the sea, then it spreads to the sky, then to the whole city. It gets brighter and brighter, till everything glows. It's really...pretty." I paused, thinking about the image that I had just painted by my words. "I know you'd like it," I added, suddenly feeling a little blue.

"I'd like to see it, someday," Yuna said. It sounded more like a compliment than a sincere opinion, but I was too excited to notice.

"Well you can, Yuna. We can both go!" I assured her.

I saw a water drop hit the surface of the calm lake. I looked at Yuna, and realised she was crying. I was a little confused, for I was not used to crying women around me. I had no idea what to do.

"I can't. I just can't! I can' go!" Yuna said through the tears.

There was only one thing I knew I could do. I walked up to her, and took a grip of her shoulders, holding her, trying not to hold her too close. She leaned against my chest, burying her face in my shirt.

"Uh, Yuna..." I said, trying to express she maybe shouldn't be that close to me.

But before I could go on, she reached up to kiss me. I was startled, but somehow, just a little too tired to resist. I know that is a poor excuse, but that's really all I can say; I should have said no. I didn't.

Now, as always, one thing led to another. I'm having mercy on everyone involved in my story and not describe it any further in detail. Making love to Yuna was beautiful, so beautiful I felt it would break my heart to take her virginity. But that is what I did. And, she never discovered I'm not a boy.

Afterwards we got up from the lake and sat down on the shore. Yuna was the first one to speak.

"I'll continue. I must. If I give up now... I could do anything I wanted to, and yet... Even if I was with you, I could never forget."

"I'll go with you," I said. "I'm your guardian. Unless I'm...fired?" I went on playfully.

I had hardly any thoughts for Lulu at the moment. Yuna turned away from me to giggle, and I was glad to hear her do that. I was always happy to hear someone laughing at my jokes.

"Stay with me until the end. Please," Yuna pleaded.

"Not until the end," I said. "Always."

I thought this as my duty for her. She was feeling blue, and she needed me, so I said the best I could think of that would cheer her up. I'm not saying that I didn't mean what I said to her. Just that when thinking of what I'd reply, I didn't react to her words with my emotions, but rather with what I felt I should say.

"Always, then," Yuna said with a nod. "Maybe you should head back to camp first."

I saw her point at once. We should not return there together, looking like we would have been doing what we had just been doing. That was the first time I ever felt ashamed because of what I had done. But instead of showing anything of it for her, I said "Roger!" sounding awfully cheerful.

We stared at each other for a while, but then I got up and started to head back towards the camp. I couldn't go far before I stopped to look up at the sky, and the moving pyreflies that looked like shooting stars. I needed to set my thoughts in order, to consider all that had happened, but I got interrupted by Yuna. She whistled to me the way I had taught her in Luca. I glanced back at her.

"Wait," she said. "I'll go with you."

I was not sure if that was a good idea. But, I neither was I sure if it was my place to question the reasoning of my summoner. So I nodded, fear already gripping my guts.

Just before we got to see the others, Yuna grabbed my hand. I was startled, but before I could pull my hand free, we were already in the campsite among the others. I swallowed nervously.

Rikku got up and seemed to approach us, but when she saw we were holding hands she abruptly stopped. I saw her staring at me, then turning her glance to Yuna, and then back to me. She looked heart-broken. I dared not to even look at Lulu, but from the corner of my eye I saw her lift her hand to her forehead and then bow her head a little with a sigh. I could feel my cheeks turn bright red. I would have wanted to be anywhere else.

Yuna had a speech to give. He looked at each of them when saying their name.

"Sir Auron? Wakka? Kimahri? Rikku? Lulu?"

This sounded serious enough.

"Everyone, we leave at dawn. And...I'm sorry for putting you through all of this. And...um..."

"Enough. You need your rest," Auron interrupted her.

Yuna bowed her head a little.

"Yes," she simply said. "Good night."

We had to sleep on hard ground, except Rikku, who climbed up to a tree. When all the fuss had settled a bit, I glanced at Lulu, inviting her to come after me. She followed me, but looked reluctant. When we were out of earshot, I turned to face her.

"Lulu, look, I...uh. I'm sorry."

That was all I could come up with. Lulu just looked at me, and made me very aware of the fact she was taller than me.

"You're sorry?" she said, sounding like she couldn't believe her ears.

I looked at her, pleading her with my eyes to hear me out, to come down from her freezing cold 'I'm above you' – manner. She ignored that completely.

"Tidus, I can't believe that...after all we've been through...I just, I thought you'd be just a little bit better a person!"

"Lulu, please..." I started, but she interrupted me straight away.

"Are you completely unaware of that which you have done? I trusted you. I trusted you so much that I had sex with you just a few moments ago, and just a few hours before that I got raped."

I was startled to hear her say that aloud.

"And you were...so, so heartbreaking gentle to me...and I...I almost believed that you..."

Her voice died as she turned away from me, trying hard to hide her tears. I closed my eyes and rubbed my face. I was so tired.

"Lulu, I'm..."

She turned fiercely back to me.

"Don't you ever dare to speak to me again!" she hissed. "Get out of my sight! I never want to see you again!"

Then, she turned around and walked away, leaving me to stand there alone in the middle of a forest. I stared at her back, and felt tears running down my cheeks. So much for an everlasting love.


	11. The Calm Lands

**Note:** Angstangst, the whole chapter. I finished this one rather fast.

----------------------------

**Chapter XI**

I could walk fast since I was free of all burdens, except the depths of my sorrow. I was bothered by thoughts I did not want to think. Yuna and the rest of her guardians walked a little ahead of me, and I wished not to be a guardian at all. I had paid a high price for being one.

I actually didn't want to walk on at all. I felt like banging my head to a wall or something. I wondered if anyone would even notice.

Yuna stopped. I reached the others in an instant. Just when I started to wonder why was this, Yuna said she was worried about a bunch of things – her pilgrimage, us her guardians, facing Sin – and thus made us all a little more worried about those things aswell. Lulu gently stroked her cheek, like to say it would be all right. Pain came like a wave, flushing over me completely. I had known that touch. I had felt her hand on my skin, letting go of everything that had troubled me. I had known it as I had known Lulu. Her entire body had been a mystery to me, until I had explored it and become familiar with it. I knew every inch of her body. The more it hurt me that I could never touch her again.

If Lulu did not feel anything for me now I should have been glad. Instead I thought she felt for me – anger, sorrow, hate. Disappointment. She refused to even talk to me. Still, it was hard to blame her. After all I had done.

They all had told me to go to Yuna that night. They had been insisting on it. And I, I had done as I had been told, and she had taken from me a little more than just comfort. On that lake, we had made love. Sincerely, I'm not sure why I had agreed to that. I felt like it just happened. I had felt almost like it was my duty as a guardian to do what my summoner wanted me to. But I had paid a high price for fulfilling my summoner's desires. It had cost me the love of the one woman I adored.

We went on walking. We would have to cross the Calm Lands and climb over Mount Gagazet, the place Kimahri was born in. It was still occupied by the Ronso. And beyond that, beyond many days' walk in snow and chill, would be the ruins of Zanarkand. The ruins of a city destroyed a thousand years ago. The ruins of a city I was born in.

I wondered if anything would change when we'd arrive there. If it would be the home I was longing to. Or, if it would be all in ruins, and if that would make me realise I would never go back.

And make me not miss it anymore.

Eventually, we reached the outskirts of Calm Lands. We stopped to take in the information of our surroundings: a massive, peaceful field, full of green grass. A series of high hills kept it enclosed on three sides, and right ahead of us the field turned to a huge opening in the ground. _This sure beats Grand Canyon._

"The Calm Lands," came a sultry voice from behind me. "Long ago, the high summoners fought Sin here. The road ends here. Beyond, there's no towns, no villages. Only endless plains."

I closed my eyes and fought the tears. The sound of her voice seemed too much to bear.

"Many summoners stray from their path and lose their way here," Auron completed what Lulu had been saying. That helped me to return to Earth a bit.

Yuna lifted her head to look at the sky, and then she fell down to lie on her back in the grass.

"I've always known where to go," she said dreamily.

I walked up beside her. I felt like a child, committing a futile revenge, as I did so. I could almost feel Lulu's eyes on my back as I said to Yuna,

"I... I won't let you die. I'll find a way, somehow."

I extended my hand, which Yuna gratefully took. I drew her up.

"Let's go," she said.

For some reason, I did not feel too triumphant about what I had just done.

We travelled through the Calm Lands, and of course we encountered packs of fiends on our way. I tried to keep my eyes away from Lulu's breasts, and face, when she was fighting beside me. I found the mission unbelievably hard.

"Look! A chocobo!" Rikku exclaimed.

I followed her pointing finger, and my eyes met a huge yellow bird.

"Aw, isn't that cute?" Rikku went on.

I smiled a little and told her I absolutely agreed with her. I had even been riding a chocobo once, at Mi'ihen Highroad. We reached some sort of a shop, with no sleeping facilities, and stopped there. Just when I had sold all of the useless weapons we had been carrying, and bought a good deal of different kinds of potions, I turned around to see a man approaching us.

"Father Zuke!" Lulu greeted him.

A mean hand of jealousy immediately gripped the inside of me. _How do you happen to know this man? What is your relationship to him?_ I tried to be reasonable. _It's probably nothing. The man is a summoner or something. It has to be so._

"Long time no see," Zuke replied.

I was again forming a fist with my hand, trying not to interfere.

"You are Yuna?" Zuke asked. "Hmm... You certainly don't look like Maester Kinoc's murderer."

_Oh boy your resolve is admirable_, I thought.

"What'd you say?" Wakka freaked out.

"Please, tell us what has happened!" Yuna pleaded.

Father Zuke looked at us for a while before replying.

"Maester Mika just issued a personal order, you know. It said that you and your guardians murdered Maester Kinoc and fled. We are to kill you on sight, or so it says."

"What of Bevelle?" Auron asked him.

"Things are calm on the surface, but the depths are turbulent. After the death of Maester Kinoc, Kelk Ronso left Yevon," Zuke told him.

"Convenient," Auron commented. "Getting around will be easier with Yevon in disarray."

Rikku looked at Zuke and Auron with a confused look on her face. To me, his was starting to sound like big boys talking politics or something.

"But be careful, my friends. You have been branded enemies of Yevon. You should avoid temples for the time being," Zuke said.

"Thank you, father Zuke, for your warning," Yuna said to him.

"Father, you came all the way here just to tell us this?" Lulu inquired.

"To tell the truth, I was a little curious to see...this summoner you are guarding," Zuke replied. "I hope her pilgrimage goes well. For your sake, too."

"Thank you, Father," Lulu said.

I did not quite understand what passed between them.

"I must be off," Zuke announced. "I shall pray for all of you."

He did the prayer gesture, and Lulu did that aswell. Then, father Zuke walked away from us. I could not resist asking,

"Who was that?"

To my surprise, Lulu answered my question.

"Until half a year ago, he was a summoner. Wakka and I were his guardians."

"It was kind of a short pilgrimage," Wakka chided in.

"He gave up halfway. Here, on this plain," Lulu went on. "Now, he is a monk at the Bevelle temple."

She seemed to be talking to herself, rather than to me. That was a wonderful opportunity for me to look at her face.

"This is my third pilgrimage as a guardian. Father Zuke was my second. And my first, well...it ended here, too. I've never been to the lands beyond. Mt. Gagazet towers to the north, and Zanarkand lies beyond that."

I wondered if the others had already known these things, or had she been willingly speaking to me.

"She's not stopping, is she?"

I turned around to face Rikku.

"Yuna...she's made her decision," I said, shaking my head.

"But, I can't just let her go," Rikku moaned.

"We won't have to," I assured her. "We'll save Yuna, even if she calls the Final Aeon."

"But how?" Rikku wanted to know.

"I'll think of a way," I said, sounding more self-confident than I actually was.

"But what if you can't?" Rikku asked.

"I'm tired of talking to you. It's always 'but' this, 'but' that."

"But..." she started.

"Let's think together!" I proposed.

"Okay," Rikku said.

"And, if we can't think of something...we find another way!"

"Okay!" she said, sounding cheerful.

Next I went to Auron. He was good at returning people to the blue, if they had mistaken something and thought they had a reason to be happy.

"Messy," he said at the sight of me.

I immediately thought about my hair.

"What is?" I asked him.

"Yevon," he replied. "Mika and Seymour are not of one mind. Remember what Seymour said last we met. I do not think Mika will concur. If Yevon founders, so will Spira."

I was left to wonder what his creepy words really meant. I went to Yuna.

"So, we are officially traitors, then," she said.

Obviously she had been considering Father Zuke's words.

"Hey, let them say what they want," I said.

"It's okay, I'm not worried," Yuna assured me. "Well, maybe just a little. It's so hard not to be."

"Hey, it's okay to worry. And if it gets too rough, just yell!"

"Yell? Hmm..." Yuna sounded suspicious. "Okay, I might just do that."

"Yeah!" I supported her.

"I wonder if my father got lost here, too?" she said.

I grinned.

"Maybe, with my old man helping him!" I said.

"Maybe I'll ask Sir Auron," Yuna offered.

"Auron?" I got surprised. "That grouch never tells me anything."

Yuna giggled, and then imitated Auron's voice, saying,

"That is none of your business!"

"Not that he keeps out of other people's business, you know what I mean?" I pointed out.

Yuna nodded to that. I moved on to speak to Kimahri.

"Gagazet is Ronso land. Kimahri home," he said.

"Hey! We might meet your family," I said, ever so cheerful.

"Kimahri has no family," he pointed out.

"Oh, sorry," I said.

"But Kimahri not alone," he told me, looking around among our group.

That was, by far, the longest conversation I had ever had with him. The next I spoke to was Wakka.

"When I was guarding Zuke," he began, "I already told you this, ya? 'Bout when I was too into the game to be a good guardian? So when Father Zuke said he wanted out... Tell you the truth, I was kinda glad."

I shrugged, lost for any words expressing compassion. Old things are old and buried, no need to dig them up. I considered telling him that, then decided against it.

We set up a camp for the night. Next morning we would continue the pilgrimage, wherever it might take us.


	12. Soulmate

**Chapter XII**

I was sitting on the ground right outside our campsite, with my journal in my hands. It was another night that we were in the Calm Lands, because we had a lot of business to attend to. For example, we had been trying to capture a huge plant called Malboro and take it to an arena at one corner of the Calm Lands. Tonight I had written another song, with a title 'Something So Beautiful'. Pain was burning my heart like it would never stop. I knew my song sounded bitter, but I could not change that thing; I was feeling bitterer than ever. I had long ago stopped crying, for now I was building anger inside of me. I half feared what would become of me when all the hatred was built up. I sighed and leaned back against a high spike of rock poking up from the earth. I heard footsteps from behind me.

"Re," came a teenager's voice from the source of the footsteps. "E... E's cunno, Ti'."

I did not look at Rikku. She came to sit beside me, and gazed up to the stars. Eventually she spoke again, since I had not said a word.

"Muug, E's hud duu rybbo ypuid dryd oui'na eh muja fedr Lulu, pid E's cdemm cunno ypuid fryd rybbahat."

I still kept silent. Rikku glanced at me, and then went on.

"E naymmo drehg oui cruimt dymg du ran, oui ghuf."

I glanced at her with a tired look on my face.

"Drana'c hu ica. Cra fuh'd ajah muug yd sa, mad ymuha cbayg."

Rikku sounded a little offended when she replied,

"Oui luimt cdemm dno, oui ghuf."

"Ur, fryd dra ramm tu oui ghuf?" I said with a sigh.

"Ti', cra mujac oui," she said softly. "Dryd ryc hud lryhkat, ajah druikr cra ec syt fedr oui."

I shook my head, ignoring the fact she had called me by a nickname again.

"Rikku, oui tu hud ihtancdyht sa. Lyh oui esykeha dra fyo E padnyoat ran? Frydajan cra vaamc vun sa huf, yhkan, muydr, tecybbuehdsahd, E tacanja ed ymm."

She was silent for a while, then glanced at me with a weird look on her face.

"Cu drah oui yna dra bnupmas, Tidus, hud cra."

It took me a while to take in what she just had said. Immediately afterwards, I was ready to hit her, that much her comment hurt me. Maybe because she was so right (that's the way it always goes), but right now I was too weary to accept what she had said.

But the truth is that the problem was I. I hated myself for what I had done far more than Lulu ever did. And forgiving yourself is always harder than forgiving someone else, because you don't feel like you have a right to forgive yourself. Especially when you have hurt someone else, too.

I still wonder why I said nothing to Rikku then. I was so outraged, I would never have believed myself able to just sit back and say nothing. I surprised myself by doing so.

"Famm, E kiacc E cruimt ku du cmaab," Rikku said and stood up. "E cdemm cdnuhkmo cikkacd oui ku dymg du ran. Syopa..."

She halted, her back to me already, and did not turn around to say her last words that night. Instead, she bowed her head a little and said so softly that it was almost a whisper,

"...syopa ajah duhekrd."

With that she walked away, so I was left to struggle with myself and with all she had said.

After an eternity of staring at the night sky I took a deep breath and got up. I shook my head, still wondering what the hell was I up to. I turned around, gripping my journal in my hand, and took the first step towards our campsite. I was suddenly feeling light-headed as I walked towards the only tent in our camp that I should avoid like the bloody plague. Every step brought me nearer and nearer, and my anguish grew as I became more and more aware of the fact I had absolutely no idea what to say to her.

"Knock knock."

I didn't have the guts to just walk inside.

"I, eh... I hope you're not sleeping yet?" I said, sounding just like what I was: a young Romeo full of anxiety.

It took her a long time to answer.

"Come in," she said then, not sounding as ice cold as she had earlier.

I crept inside the tent and found myself awfully close to Lulu due to the small size of the tent. But there was nothing I could do about it anymore. And if she was bothered, she showed none of it.

"I... I felt like I should...I mean...uh, speak to you," I said. _Man that was hard._

She didn't even look at me. I felt like on the verge of tears again. _God damn it, I'm not going to cry in front of her. _You remember, the problem about weakness and showing it? I didn't even realize how stupid I was to be so proud.

"Look, Lulu, I know I have been a complete jerk. Did you think I'm so stupid? That I don't even realise it myself? Well, you were wrong. I do realise it, and I wonder if I'll some day be able to forgive myself for what I have done to you. I already told you I'm sorry, and really, that's all I can do. There's no undo button in real life. But I want you to know that I would if I could. Lulu, if I could make it undone, if I had only one wish that would be fulfilled, I would make it undone."

I wondered where did all these words come from. And, I was realising how futile my effort was. _Return to Earth, kid, you're never gonna make her come back to you. Don't you see? You're telling yourself, rather than her, what kind of an asshole you really are. She already knows it. So why don't you just believe it, too, and go home to cry._

"I... I hope you'll meet someone, someone that really deserves you. A better man that I ever was," I said quietly.

It hurt me incredibly much to say that aloud. A better man than me? My sore spot. I was no man, so every man was a better man than me. That, finally, was the thing that brought tears into my eyes, and although I tried real hard to look anywhere else than in her face, and to rapidly blink them away, she noticed I was crying. And her puppy brown eyes with a beautiful shade of red got wet and glossy, too.

"Tidus," she said, although she did not quite trust her voice yet, "Rikku told me you were writing something."

I was a little startled to hear she had been talking to Rikku.

"Could you... Could you show it to me, please?" she asked me.

I swallowed nervously, then extended my hand to give her my journal.

"That's my journal," I told her. "The piece I wrote tonight is the last one written there. But, if you want to, you can..."

She silenced me with a shake of her head. She browsed through the book to find the song I had written that night, and then read it through. I saw a tear drop on the page. I was unsure of what to do, for a moment, but then I could not stop myself anymore from hugging her. She took a grip of me, returning my hug, and cried leaning her head against my shoulder.

I smiled through my own tears. I felt so damn good to touch her again. I tried to find something to say to her, but nothing came. Just before I started to panic, she spoke so I didn't have to.

"I've been missing you, Tidus," she said softly. "Oh, God, I never even realised I loved you this damn much."

She wiped a tear off her eye.

"I missed you, too," I said. "...I guess my accuracy could still be better."

She gave a laugh for my bad joke, still through her tears.

"Why, I thought you had the best accuracy in our party," she said.

"I don't know if Wakka still beats me," I replied.

I saw the expression on her face change somewhat as I said that.

"What is it?" I wanted to know.

She shook her head.

"Oh, nothing. I just... it's nothing, really. We should maybe go to sleep. We have a long way ahead of us tomorrow."

I sensed she suggested that I go to my own tent. I sort of understood that, but still felt a little weird about it. I thought everything was all right between us now, so why not sleep here? To my opinion, sleeping in the same tent didn't necessarily include having sex. I was stupid enough to tell her that. She took a look at me and then sighed.

"Then... I guess I must tell you."

"Tell me what?" I asked, somewhat challenging.

She took a deep breath, gazing at the walls of the tent. If possible, the tent started to feel even more uncomfortably small.

"I... I guess you have a right to know," she said.

_A right to know what?_

"Well, last night, when we camped here, Wakka came to speak to me. It has always been easy to talk to him, you know, I have known him all my life. He has been like...like a big brother to me. Last night, we talked real long, about all kinds of things. He...well, I talked about things I have never told anyone, things I never thought I'd tell. And he...understood me completely. He _knew_ what I was talking about. He is a lot like Chappu was, I mean, he doesn't look like him but in spirit he's much the same."

_Well yeah, he's the guy's brother. Surprise._ I looked at her, still taking in the information.

"And we... We talked about Chappu, and his death. Wakka was...unbelievably gentle to me, he sort of understood all I had felt when my boyfriend died."

_Probably much like he felt when his brother died. How can you be so blind?_ I was not going to cry.

"And, well, what can I say? I found someone I've been searching all my life. Someone that really understands me...a soulmate, sort of. I can't believe that all these years I've been so blind."

I finally found my voice again.

"So blind? Yeah, that's what you've been. The guy that died was not only your boyfriend; he was Wakka's brother. Wakka must have been dealing with pretty much the same feelings as you were. And if he understands you so well, maybe if you two have been growing up together, like a sister and a brother, maybe he actually _knows_ you better than I do. It's not about his personality, Lulu; it's just that he's had more time to get to know you than I had. After a year, the situation could be a lot different. How can you know if I'm true if you never even give me a chance?"

Lulu did not reply.

"So... You're with him now, isn't that correct?" I asked, my heart pounding in my ears.

"I suggest that you leave," she said after a while. I could read nothing from her tone.

So I left. Just outside her tent I broke to run, and I ran until I felt that my lungs were starting to die. Then I ran a little further, until I all but fell down and stayed there, just breathing, trying just to think about the physical pain and not about Lulu. I felt the tears in my eyes, but I tried to force them away. I tried not to think about Wakka either. His big man's hands on Lulu's perfect body, his lips on hers... _No_, I said to myself,_ this has got to stop. I'll go back now. It'll be all right._

Eventually I got up and went to sleep.


	13. Guardians Should Fight, Not Think

**Note:** NC-17 again. I felt I needed to get back at chapter seven, because in real life, you don't just "live on" over that kind of things.

-------------------------------------

**Chapter XIII**

_I feel like being tied up, though I'm not. I can't move, I can't close my eyes, so I just have to sit back and watch. Seymour gives me an amused look._

"_Do you have an interest for someone of these three?" he asks me._

_I remain silent, wishing to be anywhere else but not just here. He asks me the same question again, this time caressing Lulu's breast with his hand._

"_They are...all my good friends. You know that, Seymour," I say, struggling to keep my voice steady. The truth is that I want to scream._

"_Oh? That is...interesting, Tidus," he says. "So, tell me, which one of these ladies would you save if you could?"_

You bastard,_ I think, but there is absolutely nothing I can do._

"_I will save the one you choose. And should you not choose...well, I could as well get them all."_

"_I can't make this choice, Seymour! You know that as well as I do!" I cry out._

"_No," he says, suddenly sounding cold. "You shall choose. Or otherwise..."_

"_Or otherwise what? You will rape them all?"_

"_Yes. I could...have fun with all of you, should I please."_

All of us?_ I don't want to finish that thought. I feel a teardrop falling down my cheek._

"_I can't choose. It is impossible now. You have already raped Rikku."_

"_Yes. So we have three left, as I told you."_

So whom do I want to save? Whom indeed?_ Just when I had thought it couldn't be any worse._

"_I want you to save Lulu," I say after a long pause, and I can't stop my voice from trembling._

_Seymour arches an eyebrow._

"_Lulu? The black mage?"_

"_The same girl," I say, trying to sound humorous but failing._

"_That is interesting. So you wish me to play with you a little, do you Tidus?"_

_I swallow nervously._

"_I only wish that you'd not rape Lulu," I reply quietly._

_He gives a laugh._

"_So you are a chocolate boy, Tidus, are you not? A cute little fag, right?" he teases me._

"_Don't you mess with me, Seymour," I reply, "for you do not wish to encounter me when I'm not paralysed like this."_

_He looks at me and laughs._

"_Oh really?" This seems to be the best joke he has ever heard. "Know this, you stupid mortal: I could finish you off with a single move of my hand."_

"_Let's test your magic against my sword!" I challenge him. I don't really care if this will lead to my death. At least this is a chance to distract Seymour, to let the girls escape. I would die for Lulu, and I would be glad to do it._

"_In your dreams, boy," Seymour says coldly, and then turns to Lulu._

_His back to me he adds,_

"_I am sorry, Tidus, but I have no interest for men. That would be against Yevon's teachings. Hmm... One more cause to have you killed, you...homosexual."_

_Despite the awkwardness of the situation, that makes me laugh._

That is the best insult you could come up with?_ The funny thing is that he is right – I am a homosexual, though I have no interest for men either._

"_So, what do we have left then? Summoner Yuna, and the black mage Lulu," Seymour says._

_In a second I'm back to Earth._

"_Leave them alone!" I cry out._

_But he isn't listening to me anymore. He approaches Lulu, and his hands find their way under her dress. Lulu can't hold back a whine when his hands grope her. I struggle to get free._

_Seymour leans forward to be close to Lulu – too close, much too close. He grins, and I see Lulu's eyes widen with fear. He breathes hard, then says in a quiet, husky voice,_

_Oh yes..."_

_Then, he thrusts fiercely into her. Lulu lets out a scream of pain, and I would give my life to be able to close my eyes. I feel her pain in my own body, a new wave of agony washes over me with every thrust. I can hear Seymour's breath in my ears, too close, much too close, I feel the pain that seems to much to bear, a pain that is going to make me faint, and I feel it all with her. Tears blur my vision, is he never going to stop, oh God why is he not going to stop?_

_He comes, splashing his white fluids all over her dress, obviously enjoying the pornographic way to drown the lady in his seed._

"Hey brudda! Get up, time to go, ya!"

The voice came from outside my tent. _Lord give me strength_, I thought, _I do not wanna wake up hearing _that_ voice._ I opened my eyes, and I could still feel that I had cried last night. I wished it didn't show. For a moment I quite seriously considered giving up and going back -- going back to where? To Zanarkand? I would if I could. To Besaid? Not a chance. I wondered if I could go and live in Luca, the big blitzball-city, but I couldn't quite finish that thought since I got a visitor.

"Hey, wassup with you, boy? C'mon get up now, or we're leavin' you here, ya?"

I took a look at Wakka's red-haired head poking to my tent. I guess my eyes showed something to him, since he backed up a little and said,

"Easy, boy. No one's gonna murder you here, eh?"

_Yeah well someone might be murdering _you_ here_.

"Five minutes," Wakka said, and then went away.

I was ready in less than that.

We crossed the calm lands, not talking much, and took off between two cliffs. When fighting fiends, I had to constantly battle against the temptation to slice Wakka a little with my sword. A sword he had given me, I reminded myself.

We saw a wooden bridge, and crossed it.

"Halt!"

Two Guados blocked our way.

"Summons from Lord Seymour. Come with us!"  
Yuna was the first one to speak.

"We have nothing to discuss with Maester Seymour!" she announced.

"Yeah, so out of our way!" I said.

"Lord Seymour's commands must be obeyed," they told us. "You will come!"

We all looked at them sternly. We disagreed.

"I warn you, the maester doesn't need you alive," they added.

_Well that's a good point. Now we really really can't miss a chance to meet him, right?_

There was a second wooden bridge ahead of us. From the path underneath it emerged a huge stone robot-creature. Its steps made the ground shook underneath our feet.

"W-what the hell is that?" I asked.

"Guardians should fight, not think. That's what you've said yourself, I believe," said Auron.

"All right. So bring it on, fellows!" I said cheerfully.

Sometimes, I was tired to play my part as a teenage boy with no instinct for self-preservation.

The stone robot completed a move called haymaker, which was just what it sounded like. He shot his left hand towards Auron, knocking him out by that one single move. I gave Auron a Phoenix Down, and he stood up still feeling dizzy. Rikku ran towards the opponent, stealing a Lunar Curtain from him and mugging him at the same time. The robot seemed unaffected.

"Rikku!" I cried out exactly at the same time as the robot tried his haymaker on her. She fell down on the ground, letting out a scream of pain. This time Auron used a Phoenix Down, and as Rikku got up, I advised her to let go for a while. Gratefully she went to the back row, and Lulu took her place in the fight. That place was actually between Auron and me. I preferred having Lulu on our party now, since she could relieve people who had passed out without using Phoenix Downs. But, her magic was not too effective against the robot, so I had to do the actual fighting with Auron.

When I noticed the robot getting a little slower, I concluded we were getting the better of it. I ran fiercely towards it, and sliced it many times with my sword. Then I stick my sword in the ground and, stepping on it, jumped up in the sky. I made a volt up there, and Lulu threw Wakka's blitzball to me. This was a move I had done in the sphere pool many times enough to call it my show. The ball arrived exactly at the right time exactly at the right place, and I kicked it to the robot. The ball hit him, and I landed just in time to see him fall down on his knees and break.

We were tired, stained and hungry, but we were alive. So, our straining journey continued. We walked to the wooden bridge, under which the robot had emerged.

"This isn't the way in?" I asked.

"That way leads down into the valley," Lulu said.

"Wow, you know your way around, ya?" Wakka admired.

_Don't you dare to talk to her, you son of a bitch,_ my anger flared inside of me. I had to physically struggle to prevent myself from punching him. Lulu just ignored him and walked away.

"Huh?" Wakka was left to stand and scratch his head.

We headed down and came to a valley. First, we found out that this was a proving ground for the Crusaders, and found a rusty old sword. Then we came to a cave. Some sort of purple mist exited it, and Rikku ran inside straight away. Then she came back to ask us,

"Where are we?"

"The fayth is inside. As are the fiends," Lulu answered her.

This information made Wakka gasp.

"Hey. This where...?" he asked.

Lulu nodded.

"Where what?" I demanded.

"The summoner I guarded on my first pilgrimage...died here."

We were all silent for a while. I suppose the rest of us were quiet because of what she had said. I was quiet because she had actually spoken. She had again answered my question.

"Yuna, let's go. The fayth awaits," Lulu broke the silence, sounding fatal.

We all went into the cave, except for Wakka and Lulu. I noticed them exchanging a few words outside, before following us. I was dying to know what had the discussed.

We walked through the cave, fighting a few fiends as well as finding things in locked chests that Rikku could easily open. More than once I thanked my god we had a thief in our group.

"Hey guys, I'm wondering who put all these treasures here," I said conversationally.

"They are what is left of summoners and Crusaders who died here," Yuna answered my question, and I was relived to hear her talking. She certainly didn't talk much these days.

"If a summoner dies here, it is a tradition that their guardians put all their possessions into a chest and lock it up tight, and then leave it all here. Actually, opening those chests is sacrilegious," she went on.

"Well, we already are traitors, so..." I comforted her.

She gave a sad sigh.

"Yes. I guess so."

"...And we certainly need all those weapons left here more than those dead summoners do," Wakka chided in. Everyone gave a laugh, except me.

"What's a fayth doing in a place like this?" Rikku asked suddenly.

"Don't ask me!" I exclaimed. I guess I was a little tense.

Lulu was in the role of the encyclopaedia here.

"They say it was stolen from a temple long ago," she said.

"Huh?" I said, fantasizing I was having a conversation with her.

"With no fayth, summoners cannot train," Auron enlightened us. "Without training, they cannot call the Final Aeon. Without the Final Aeon, they cannot defeat Sin. That is why."

"'Cause then the summoner won't die!" Rikku exclaimed.

"That must be what the thief was thinking," Wakka muttered.

We were all silent again.

"I kinda agree with him," I finally said.

Rikku nodded. No one said anything anymore, so we just walked on. In the next room, we encountered a weird sight; a pack of pyreflies surrounding a faded image of a woman.

"Peh! Another Guado fiend?" Wakka got irritated.

"No. An unsent," Kimahri said.  
Lulu took a few steps forward.

"It is...It's you, is it not, Lady Ginnem?" she said, looking down to the ground. "Forgive me. I was too young."  
Auron gave Yuna a look. She stepped forward, and started sending Lady Ginnem. But the dead summoner cast some sort of a spell, and Yuna stopped the sending.

"There is no human left in you now, is there?" Lulu went on talking to the dead.  
Ginnem lowered her arm, as if to say no. I'm not sure if it was just a coincidence.

"Very well, then," Lulu said. "Allow me to perform my last duty to you. My last as your guardian." She sounded fatal again.

Of course, we had to fight this summoner now. I suggested that I fight her with Auron and Rikku, because I thought that killing a summoner you have once guarded is not too good for your mental health. But Lulu wanted to fight. She insisted on it.

Obviously, even though dead the summoner could still summon. And she summoned an aeon I had never seen before. It was a young, approximately seven feet tall soldier, and a dog. For a while I just stared at him.

"This aeon is called Yojimbo," Lulu told us.

"Oh. Nice. How do you fight a...er, a Yojimbo?" I asked.

"How do you repair a heart that is broken?" Lulu answered me with a question.

I had no time to wonder what the heck had she meant. I had a fight to win.


	14. Sidewinder

**A/N:** Okay, here we go again. I still don't explain what Lulu said in the end of Chapter XIII so you'll still have to wonder :evil grin:

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* * *

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**Chapter XIV**

"Strange. I thought it would be sadder, somehow."

I couldn't hold back a whine. What Lulu had just said had brought into my mind the words that Yuna had a few days ago on that damned lake.

We had defeated Lady Ginnem's aeon. Mostly with Yuna's aeons and Lulu's magic.

"Maybe I've gotten used to farewells," Lulu went on sadly.

I had to stop myself from going to her and giving her a big, warm hug. She looked so grown-up, like she had seen too much and it all was just too much to bear. I thought I should say something.

"You're stronger now," Wakka offered.

I was ready to kill him, once again.

"Wakka," said Lulu, with so much tenderness in her voice that I thought I would break down and cry, "I hope you're right."

I wanted nothing more than that she'd talk to me like she talked to Wakka. I just wished that everything would be like it used to, before I got into all this shit. Lulu turned to face Yuna.

"Yuna, the fayth is inside. Go do what you came to do."

_Why the heck are you not angry to her, only to me? Didn't she do all the things as wrong as I did? Or is it just that you care for her, like for a little sister, but you never had any feelings for me in the first place?_ I shook my head. _Get over it, kid. If she won't take you back, that's it, end of the story._

We – in this case Yuna and I – went inside a room and saw the fayth. Yuna kneeled to pray, and in an instant a young man appeared in front of us. He started speaking with Yuna, and I was barely listening. The decorations on the cave walls were by far more interesting than Yuna getting yet another aeon. I heard her say something about defeating the most powerful of enemies, referring to Sin I guess. Then, I heard them talking about money.

"Tidus?" Yuna turned to me.

"Huh?"

I realised I had the wallet, we shared all our money so I would have been a rich man should I decide to run away and take it all with me. Luckily, that sort of thing never even popped into my mind.

"He asks gil for his favours. How much do we have?"

I didn't bother counting.

"How much does he want?"

"270.000," Yuna answered.

"We do have that much, but tell him you'll pay less," I advised. One of the reasons that I had the wallet was that I was so stingy.

"I'd so much love to pay you as much as you want, Lord Yojimbo, but I only have 150.000 gil," Yuna said.

Personally, I thought that wasn't maybe the best way to make him sure he was dealing with as tough guys as himself. But I let her speak, as long as everything seemed to go all right. As a clear businessman, Yojimbo didn't accept the firs offer, and Yuna turned to me again.

"Now he asks for 230.000," she whispered, sounding a little scared.

"Fine, fine, we're doing just great. Offer him a little more than you just did, okay?"

Yuna shrugged. "All right..."

She made her offer, to which Yojimbo replied simply,

"200.000. Do we have a deal?"

"No, we don't," I told Yuna. "Haggle still a little."

Finally, the great soldier accepted our offer of 190.500 gil. We exited the cave and went back to the wooden bridge. Everyone walked over the bridge, except Yuna, who turned around to look back to where we came from. I had seen her do that before, too. Maybe she was saying goodbye to the places she'd never see again. I realised that the others had gone by a long time ago, and I was just standing there staring at Yuna. She came to me, nodded and then followed the others. I followed her, not paying too much attention to my surroundings.

"Tidus!" I heard a voice call me.

"Oh. Rikku," I said. "What's up with you now?"

"I was just wondering, are you ever gonna get bored of that water sword thing of yours?"

"Brotherhood?"

"You know that's cute, that you boys name your weapons. Is it the same reason why you always name your..."

She paused abruptly. I coughed.

"Um, eh..."

"Well, never mind," she said quickly. "Just that, um, you have that other sword, too, and if you'd like we could customise it a little."

"Customise?"

"Yeah, you know. For example, we have been stealing those Wasps and Nebiros's a good deal of Poison Fangs now."

She took a small bag from her pocket.

"They're all here. And, with my tools, I could add an interesting ability in that sword."

"Show me," I said. I was getting interested.

It took her half an hour to carefully pick up the thin poisonous thorns and embed them into my sword.

"Don't touch the blade," she warned me when she handed it back to me.

"Don't worry," I said somewhat dreamily, marvelling at the dangerous-looking green poison exuding from the blade. I could only imagine the effect it would have when thrust into an enemy.

"I also have some Dream Powder," Rikku said.

"Yeah, we've been encountering a lot of Skolls lately," I admitted.

"Tell me about it," Rikku sighed. "Give me that sword."

I did, and Rikku began tapping its surface and strewing Dream Powder into the tiny scratches she made. After a while all the powder we had had was gone into my sword.

"If you want me to make this also look good, I'll need a couple more days."

"All right. I can always fight with my Brotherhood. But, talking of weapons, what abilities does that mitten of yours have?"

Rikku arched an eyebrow.

"Mitten?"

"Well, you know," I said with a shrug.

"I put Alchemy into it, so that all healing works double as much as usual. I also put the same amount of Dream Powder into it as into your sword. ...And, my 'mitten' is called Survivor."

"Hey!" I exclaimed hilariously.

"What?"

"You just said it's funny that we boys name our weapons..."

It all happened so fast that I didn't even realise there was something going on before I was in the ground. Rikku had punched me in the stomach, and surprised by her sudden attack I had lost my balance and fallen down. She stood in front of me looking furious. The more it surprised her when I broke into a wry laugh. I couldn't help it; it was just all too comic a situation.

"Come on, help me up," I said with a grin.

"Kids! Stop fighting and come here!" came a grumpy voice. To no great surprise, it was Auron.

Rikku giggled and helped me up. We ran to catch the others. I decided to call my new sword Sidewinder.


	15. Love

**Chapter XV**

"Tidus, we need to talk."

I had been completely ignoring her the past few months, and finally, she seemed to realize.

"Talk?" I reassured, with a sarcastic tone. "Are you sure?"

Without another word, she took me to a more quiet place on some snowy cliff.

"No doubt we're not going to be found here..." I said. "So, what's the deal?"

She took a deep breath.

"We're about to charge Sin in a few days," she began.

We had been through Mt. Gagazet once already. Then we had seen Zanarkand - needless to say, a bunch of ruins instead of 'my' Zanarkand - and then traveled around Spira in Cid's airship. Now we were back here again, to capture some monsters for the Calm Lands Monster Arena, before we'd set up the final showdown with Sin. The end was drawing near.

"I know," I commented to Lulu's statement.

"And it's obvious things still aren't clear between us two," Lulu went on.

"Oh really?" My voice had a razor-sharp tone. "And the fact that you have refused to even look at me, let alone talk, doesn't have anything to do with it, right?"

"Save it," she just replied. "Here I am, looking at you as you talk. So spill the beans. Go ahead, say it, say what's been on the tip of your tongue all this time, just waiting to be said."

For a while, my fiery eyes just stared at her.

"Burst it out," she provoked. She was summoning death.

"Okay," I said, teeth gritted, hands clenched in fists, my heart pounding.

I moved closer, and kissed her with all that passion that had built up during those months of silence and disregard.

-----------------------------------

Later, we sat on that cliff, with a safe distance between us.

"Tidus, you do realise there is no way we could ever be...together?"

I sighed.

"Don't say a word when words ain't enough," I quoted one of my songs. "And don't say things we both already know. Don't say things I don't wanna hear."

She was playing with her hair, and seemed to escape the truth I was voicing into that simple action.

"All right. So what do you want to hear, then?"

I glanced at her.

"You know what I wanna hear. You know it word by word, and you can hear yourself saying it. You know why I wanna hear it, and you know that on the other hand you could say it; and, you also know why you can't."

She was silent for a while.

"I want to hear you tell me," she then said, slowly.

I took a deep breath. _All right then._

"I wanna hear you say you love me as much as I love you."

After another long silence, she said,

"I do love you, Tidus, a whole lot."

I had heard her telling me she loved me, but this time her words had more meaning to them. She did love me a whole lot, yet not the same way I loved her. She had been dating Wakka for months, the two of them were engaged. The word 'love' meant different things for her when speaking about Wakka than when speaking about me.

I wrapped my arms around her, caressing her smooth skin in the process. She smiled calmly, taking me in her arms, pressing me against herself.

"Lulu," I breathed, on the verge of tears. "Please, please be there... always..."

She browsed through my short blonde hair with her long fingers, and made a promise.

"I will always be there for you, Tidus. Don't worry."

I let the words sink in. I felt them.

"I love you," I managed.

"I love you too," she replied.

There was no need for explanations. We both knew the meaning behind those words. We knew the very same words had a different meaning to her than to me.

And to me, it was more than enough that she knew. And understood.

**The End.**


End file.
